No More Jersey Shore??

Nah, don't fret, MTV's Jersey Shore isn't going anywhere (not yet, at least). BUT, TMZ has reported that, after Season 5, there will be a new cast.

Thanks for all the memories. XoXo

So, kind of a good news, bad news thing, for those of us who love the hot mess that is Jersey Shore.

Good News: 

• Season 5 starts filming today!! - Everybody, quick, pack your bags, and head to Seaside Heights!
• Our favorites from the current cast have already secured spin-offs with MTV. (This includes Snooki, JWOWW, The Situation, and Pauly D)

Bad News:

• Jersey Shore might start to suck. But, who knows, there are a lot of crazies out there, maybe it'll get even better! (Fingers crossed)

So, is Jersey Shore going to become the new Real World? Will Jersey Shore be able to survive, without the TV gold that their current cast has been? And most importantly, what will happen to all of the grenades??

Maybe Bar Refaeli will make an appearance on the show?

Ice-T & Coco Renew Their Wedding Vows, Show a Little Nip.

My, how time flies. Ice-T and Coco have already been married for 10 years!

To celebrate, the pair renewed their vows last night, in a super classy ceremony, held at the W Hotel, in Hollywood.

Ice-T and the Bride of Frankenstein Coco Austin at their vow renewal ceremony.

Of course, the "intimate" ceremony was filmed for the couple's brand new reality show, Ice Loves Coco, set to premiere on E! on June 12, at 10:30/9:30c. Mark your calendars, kiddos, that's just over a week away!

Among their guests, was Snoop Dogg. A fairytale wedding, indeed.

Here are some more fab pictures from Ice-T and Coco's super classy vow renewal ceremony:

I think I see nipple.

Awwwww.

Look! I found the inspiration for Coco's wedding dress:

Who would've thought Coco Austin was into Victorian era fashion?

American Idol: Top 2 (aka: Season 10 Finale)

What a hot load of garbage! I'm back from my week-long American Idol strike, and for what? This?!? What a waste, what a true waste.

Thankfully, last night's episode was only an hour long. If I had to sit through any more of that dull crap, I probably would've started carving my own wrists, just for some form of entertainment.

American Idol Season 10 Finale: Part 1

UPDATE: 

The results from Part 2 of the American Idol Season 10 Finale are in! 

SPOILER ALERT: Scotty McCreery won. See the update at the end of the post to see what's coming next for American Idol.

Just two country bumpkins

The most exciting part of last night's American Idol, was probably my frantic drive home at 6:59pm. I was super excited to see if Lauren was going to perform or not, after all the hype surrounding her "lost" voice. Girrrl, please. I bet she was sobbing backstage, as usual.

I wish Haley had taken Lauren's spot last night, maybe the performances wouldn't have been quite as coma inducing.

Round 1: Scotty & Lauren reprise their favorite songs

In this round, Scotty & Lauren performed their favorite song from their past performances this season. Pretty self-expanatory.

Scotty McCreery
Performed:"Gone" by Montgomery Gentry

Scotty started this performance with a really d-baggish strut through the audience, and onto the stage. Typical Scotty.

And did anyone else find it incredi-dumb, that Scotty swung the mic like a bat, at the end of this performance? What a lame-o.
Click here for video








Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Flat On The Floor" by Carrie Underwood

Has she worn this exact same outfit before? Lauren always has the ugliest outfits, and then she repeats them! What nerve. This outfit wasn't that bad, but overall, Lauren needs some serious guidance when it comes to dressing herself.

As for her vocal performance, her voice sounded pretty strained, but overall it wasn't completely dreadful.
Click here for video

Round 2: The Idols' Idols Song Picks

The songs performed in round 2 were chosen for the contestants by their very own "idols". How cute.

Scotty McCreery
Performed: "Check Yes Or No" by George Strait

Scotty McCreery named George Strait as his idol.

George Strait chose one of his own songs for Scotty to sing. Kind of an arrogant, self-serving choice, if you ask me. No wonder George Strait is Scotty's idol. Birds of a feather.

That said, I'm not gonna knock anyone too hard for a little self-promotion. Now subscribe to my blog, you little S.O.B.'s
Click here for video




Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Maybe It Was Memphis" by Pam Tillis

Lauren Alaina named Carrie Underwood as her idol. Not a bad choice. Carrie's career serves as the perfect model for Lauren.

Carrie had a much less self-serving song in mind for Lauren than Scotty's idol, Georgey. Good girl, keep working on that public image!

Lauren wore a super sparkly, cupcake-like tutu of a dress. Interesting choice. If Lauren doesn't win American Idol, maybe she can enter some princess pageants. I hear those are all the rage down South. Freakin' hillbillies.
Click here for video
  

Round 3: American Idol Winner's New Single

The songs sung in the final round of the first part of the Season 10 American Idol finale (whoa, that's a mouthful!) will be the winner's first single. How exciting, right? No, how very, very dull.

Scotty McCreery 

Performed: "I Love You This Big"

Scotty's final performance wins the award for MOST BORING PERFORMANCE EVER. Seriously, I almost fell asleep.

Way to put the crap icing on the crap cake, Scotty! Giving the most boring performance, in a night of boring performances, is actually a pretty big feat. Hats off to you, sir!
Click here for video

Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Like My Mother Does"

Awww, a song to her mommy. How cuuuuuute.

Touching, really. Maybe it's because I have a heart of stone, or maybe it's just the fact that I don't enjoy my mother all that much, but I didn't find this performance all that enthralling. Good enough, but nothing to write home about.
Click here for video

SO, WHO'S GOING TO WIN AMERICAN IDOL??

My bets are on Scotty McCreery. Lauren, although she is also dull, gave slightly better performances last night; but Scotty has schemed his way into the hearts and minds of every little girl in the country. He's even hypnotized some of our country's not-so-intelligent women. What a bunch of simple-minded floozies.

Whatever. See you tonight, after the results are revealed in Part 2 of the American Idol Season 10 Finale!  

UPDATE: 

As I stated in the first update, Scotty McCreery has won American Idol. 

I think earlier this season, I said something along the lines of: 
"If Scotty McCreery wins American Idol, I swear to god, I will burn down the American Idol studios". 
I'm not making any threats or anything, I'm just sayin'...

Danielle Staub Returns to Stripper Roots

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

‘Jersey Shore’ Whore is Preggers!

Wanna guess which Jersey girl is sporting a fresh new baby bump?

Pure magic

The pregnant 'Jersey Shore' whore is....

Angelina Pivarnick
No surprise there. The girl is a total trashbag.

Gettin' it in

As usual, TMZ ^[1] got the story first. Here's their lovely composite of a pregnant Angelina:

Oh yeahhhh!

Reportedly, Angelina’s baby daddy is also her fiancé.  
HER FIANCÉ!
How did she even find a guy who wanted to hang out with her in any capacity, much less knock her up, AND spend the rest of his life with her?!? Mind boggling.

Just for you stalker types: her fiancé is Dave Kovacs, and the pair have been betrothed since this February. Nothing like making a lifelong commitment to torture on V-Day! A beautiful "VD" gift, if you will.

The happy couple!

I don’t think anyone can truly be 100% sure about who really fathered Angelina’s baby…
I believe Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino said it best, when he referred to Angelina as the “Staten Island Ferry,” because “everybody gets a ride, and it’s FREE!” - Oh Sitch, you are the wisest owl in the whole forest.

Good thing Angelina already has tons of practice covering up that gut!

Personally, I cannot wait until she pops this sucker out! Her labor will probably last a grand total of 5 minutes. (Get it? 'Cause she's loose as a goose.)


^[1] TMZ Staff. "'Jersey Shore' Angelina Pivarnick -- PREGNANT!" TMZ 27 April 2011.

Aubrey O'Day: Now It's Just Getting Sad

Tonight marks the premiere of Aubrey O'Day's new show, All About Aubrey, on America's classiest network: Oxygen.

This show follows Aubrey and her fake boobies around, as she desperately tries to convince us that she's not just a useless piece of garbage that missed her true calling as a porn star.

Rough night, Aubrey?

Oxygen's website states that "at 26 years old and a little more worldly, it's time for O'Day to tackle the tough questions," and then proceeds to ask 3 extremely difficult questions.  You could watch the show to find out the answers... or you can take the less painful route, and skip all of that, because I have the answers right here!  You can thank me later. 

Question 1: Will she find Mr. Right?
Answer: Do filthy hookers even care about finding "Mr. Right"?

Question 2: Can she prove to the industry that she has the star power to get back on top?
Answer: She was never exactly "on top," so how could she return to a place she's never been?

Question 3: Can she put in the hard work to deal with the cameras, the gossip, and the backstabbing?
Answer: Does she really think that any amount of hard work will actually make a difference?

My deepest apologies, I know it's rude to answer a question with a question, but I just couldn't help myself.  

If you have some sort of freakish desire to see what is sure to be an incredibly lame show, All About Aubrey premieres tonight at 10/9c.

Our Little Paris Hilton is All Growns Up

Paris has been making the rounds lately, talking all about her upcoming reality show, The World According to Paris*, which is set to premiere at some point in time this spring, on the Oxygen Network.  As we all know, Oxygen has THE classiest reality programming around.  (Bad Girls Club, holla atcha gurl!) 

Of her time on The Simple Life, Pare-Bear stated that her true personality was not shown, but that she

"was playing a character [she] kind of invented"

Who knew that, all this time, Paris was secretly some kind of genius method actress?! Well, get excited, because we may FINALLY get to see that side of her! Princess Paris herself(!) declared that NOW is "the perfect time to do a show like [The World According to Paris]," because, at the ripe old age of 30, she feels "grown-up and excited about life" and ready to reveal "the real Paris"  Well, P.Hil, if you say so, then I believe you.

This new series will show our girl, Paree along with: bestie-for-now Brooke Mueller (Charlie Sheen's deranged estranged wife), some nobody who formerly dated Fred Durst (who is, himself, generally unimportant),  Allison Melnick (a self nightlife promoter), and Mommy Dearest, Kathy Hilton.  But the question still remains: DOES ANYBODY CARE?  And the answer is: No.  No, they most certainly do not.

Paris' first reality show, The Simple Life, was only entertaining because her pal, Nicole Richie is a riot, and carried Paris' limp, lifeless body on her back.  That's not what good friends do, Paris.  Nicole Richie is tiny, weighing 90 lbs. at most.  Paris Hilton, on the other hand, is a cow, weighing a whopping 100 lbs.**  Fatty.

Paris' other reality show, My New BFF, was not entertaining at all, so we can only wait and see how this new show turns out.  Oh, wait! - Remember when Paris Hilton was an ultra-talented singer?  Yeah, me neither. 

At the end of the day, news that Paris has a new reality show just around the bend, only serves as yet another unwanted reminder that this wonky-eyed, over-accessorized beast is still walking the earth.
Robotically, hyper-posedly walking, but walking, nonetheless.

Go Get 'em, Tiger!

The Oxygen Network has been so kind as to gift us with the following super-exciting SNEAK PEEK, in which Paris gets a real, live pony! OMG!!!!!

 

Now that is real stuff.  Thanks for showing us the REAL YOU, Paris!!
Love you forever, xoxoxo.

*As of now, the show has been given the title of The World According to Paris.  But Oxygen did consider these titles: Wonky-Eyed Over-Privileged Beast and If You Can Afford Every Accessory You See, By All Means, Wear Them ALL At Once ...But alas, these were both too lengthy to be considered workable titles.***

**I am not a medical professional, and thus have no real qualifications for estimating the weight of these obese cows.

***To the best of my knowledge, Oxygen never actually considered these titles.  I made that up.  I'm sorry.