The Salahis: Looking for a Womb to Crash

Not-currently-pregnant women everywhere, be on high alert:

Tareq and Michaele Salahi are on the prowl for an empty womb, in which to crash grow a baby ... and we all know that this couple is predisposed to showing up uninvited in even the most highly secured areas (allegedly).
 

Michaele: a dangerously insane human being.
Photo Credit: Official White House Photo by Samantha Appleton

That's right, even the Secret Service may not be able to keep the Salahis out of your womb... allegedly.

TMZ broke the story, and spoke with Michaele, who explained that she & Tareq have chosen to have their baby via surrogate, because of Michaele's alleged multiple sclerosis, and her very real old age (she's 45). *

Michaele also told TMZ:

"I'm overjoyed with the hope of starting a family and the blessing of love and peace a child will bring to our lives."

A child bringing peace to the lives of their parents? Interesting theory.

Wahh! I want a baby!

If you haven't seen Michaele Salahi's version of singing and dancing, you should really watch this:

* Babies born to women who are "over-the-hill," are almost guaranteed to have all kinds of crap wrong with them. ^[2]

Here's a picture of Josie Duggar, born 5 months prematurely, to a 43-year-old Michelle Duggar:

Josie Brooklyn Duggar (AP Photo/TLC, Scott Enlow)

^[1] TMZ Staff "The Salahis -- We're Gonna Have a Baby!!!" TMZ 6 August 2011.

^[2] Gunter, Jennifer "Despite risks, Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar are open to the idea of more children" Examiner 12 February 2010.

‘Jersey Shore’ Whore is Preggers!

Wanna guess which Jersey girl is sporting a fresh new baby bump?

Pure magic

The pregnant 'Jersey Shore' whore is....

Angelina Pivarnick
No surprise there. The girl is a total trashbag.

Gettin' it in

As usual, TMZ ^[1] got the story first. Here's their lovely composite of a pregnant Angelina:

Oh yeahhhh!

Reportedly, Angelina’s baby daddy is also her fiancé.  
HER FIANCÉ!
How did she even find a guy who wanted to hang out with her in any capacity, much less knock her up, AND spend the rest of his life with her?!? Mind boggling.

Just for you stalker types: her fiancé is Dave Kovacs, and the pair have been betrothed since this February. Nothing like making a lifelong commitment to torture on V-Day! A beautiful "VD" gift, if you will.

The happy couple!

I don’t think anyone can truly be 100% sure about who really fathered Angelina’s baby…
I believe Mike ‘The Situation’ Sorrentino said it best, when he referred to Angelina as the “Staten Island Ferry,” because “everybody gets a ride, and it’s FREE!” - Oh Sitch, you are the wisest owl in the whole forest.

Good thing Angelina already has tons of practice covering up that gut!

Personally, I cannot wait until she pops this sucker out! Her labor will probably last a grand total of 5 minutes. (Get it? 'Cause she's loose as a goose.)


^[1] TMZ Staff. "'Jersey Shore' Angelina Pivarnick -- PREGNANT!" TMZ 27 April 2011.

Tori Spelling is Pregnant. It's like a 'Week In Ugly' Encore!

Good lord, is it not bad enough that we have to see and hear about this ugly, mile-long faced wench once, maybe twice, a year?!?

It's not like some fabulous celebrity is pregnant. Tori is one of the absolute UGLIEST celebs in Hollywood...right up there with the likes of Bethenny Frankel, Renee Zellweger, and Jocelyn Wildenstein (aka The Cat Lady), just to name a few.

Tori, giving birth to her last baby, "Yee-haw! I'm givin' birth, ya'll!"

Ok, that picture is mean, here's one of Tori looking her absolute best:

She may have a long, ugly, horse-face, but at least she's got a smokin' hot bod...

Back to the pregnancy: Tori made the announcement that she is pregnant again earlier today, via Twitter (does any celeb break anywhere else?):

Apparently, there's been "a lot of speculation" that Tori was pregnant. I wouldn't know about that, because I try my hardest to avoid her ugly countenance.  On the bright side, this will probably increase the material for my weekly feature, The Week In Ugly!

Congratulations Tori, thanks for reminding me of your ugly horsey face.  Now, let's take a look at some of your biggest competition in the category of "Ugliest Celeb Alive" (in order of increasing ugliness):

Bethenny Frankel:

People seem to like her, but she's still ugly as sin.

Renee Zellweger:

Whenever I need a good cry, but the tears just won't come, I take a look at this face, and the floodgates open wide!

AND THE UGLY WINNER IS...

Jocelyn Wildenstein:

I promise you, this is a real face.

The "face" at an angle:

And one more:

Stop torturing yourself, & put that mirror away.

If you're like me, and are completely bewildered, confused, and in complete shock over The Cat Lady's face (so much so, that you have completely forgotten that this was originally a story about Tori Spelling), you need to Google "Jocelyn Wildenstein" and let the horror story of her face unveil itself in all of its ture terror.

Seriously, nothing in the world interests me as much as this woman's face.  I just don't understand. She paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to look like that! WTF!?

Mini-Posh is on Her Way!

Back in January, Victoria and David Beckham announced that they are pregnant with their fourth child, due this July.  And now, the latest news: IT'S A GIRL!

Who knew someone as rail-thin as Victoria could even get pregnant?!  Whatevs though: Suri Cruise best watch her back!  'Cause this Mini-Posh is bound to be the most well-styled baby on the planet, and that's a title money just can't buy. 

Enjoy it while it lasts, Suri!  You're getting way too old for the biz.

The Beckhams already have three sons: ages 11, 8, and 5; so Mini-Posh Spice is bound to be both fashionable and tough, able to knock Suri Cruise out with a quick one-two.  I can't wait!

I also can't wait to see more of Victoria's pregnancy fashion.  Then I'll know how to dress myself on my fat days!!!  Here's a little taste of what's to come: Victoria, pictured at Heathrow Airport on March 8, about 5 months pregnant...

Packing on the pounds already!  Fatty.