The Week In Ugly: Week of May 1 - May 7, 2011

Sometimes the gods of ugly really make my life easy.

The amount of glorious ugly I've witnessed this past week has made for a lovely ugly start to the month of May. Apparently, April showers bring May ugly.

First Up:

Chelsy Davy

Wondering who Chelsy Davy is? She's Prince Harry's fugly girlfriend.

I can't quite put my finger on what those lips remind me of... but it's definitely something ugly.

Mischa Barton

Mischa Barton is the definition of "hot mess".

 Tori Spelling

Tori Spelling is always disgusting, but this picture is especially horrifying.

For god's sake, PUT THAT THING AWAY! 

Amber Rose

Amber Rose looks dressed & ready to serve time for this crime of fashion!

(Hardy har har)

Denise Richards

Denise Richards ALWAYS looks like a deer in headlights. It's so frightening.

Lady GaGa

Lady GaGa always makes me want to vomit. Fugly dress, fugly shoes, fugly makeup, fugly hair, fugly face.

I often wonder if Madam GagMe looks in the mirror, and thinks to herself:
"Deeyum! I am one attractive lady!" ...I'll bet she does, given her high levels of  delusion.

Brooke Shields

I'm actually glad that Brooke is wearing that fugly hat. At least it partially hides her fugly face!

And now for this week's Ugins!

(My new favorite weekly feature, part of 'The Week In Ugly'

Ugins

ug-ins [ugg-inz]
-noun
1. ugly twins
2. either of two persons or things closely resembling each other in a manner that is very unattractive, unpleasant to look at, or displeasing in appearance.
See also: uglets

Amy Winehouse & Lady GaGa

So freaking similar, it's horrifyingly scary. Scarily ugly.

Where you been hiding at, Taylor Momsen? Ho Hum, I guess you'll just have to click here to see her past appearances in 'Ugly'. I guess the gods of ugly didn't make this such a great week, after all.

See ya next week, ugly fugs!

Tori Spelling is Pregnant. It's like a 'Week In Ugly' Encore!

Good lord, is it not bad enough that we have to see and hear about this ugly, mile-long faced wench once, maybe twice, a year?!?

It's not like some fabulous celebrity is pregnant. Tori is one of the absolute UGLIEST celebs in Hollywood...right up there with the likes of Bethenny Frankel, Renee Zellweger, and Jocelyn Wildenstein (aka The Cat Lady), just to name a few.

Tori, giving birth to her last baby, "Yee-haw! I'm givin' birth, ya'll!"

Ok, that picture is mean, here's one of Tori looking her absolute best:

She may have a long, ugly, horse-face, but at least she's got a smokin' hot bod...

Back to the pregnancy: Tori made the announcement that she is pregnant again earlier today, via Twitter (does any celeb break anywhere else?):

Apparently, there's been "a lot of speculation" that Tori was pregnant. I wouldn't know about that, because I try my hardest to avoid her ugly countenance.  On the bright side, this will probably increase the material for my weekly feature, The Week In Ugly!

Congratulations Tori, thanks for reminding me of your ugly horsey face.  Now, let's take a look at some of your biggest competition in the category of "Ugliest Celeb Alive" (in order of increasing ugliness):

Bethenny Frankel:

People seem to like her, but she's still ugly as sin.

Renee Zellweger:

Whenever I need a good cry, but the tears just won't come, I take a look at this face, and the floodgates open wide!

AND THE UGLY WINNER IS...

Jocelyn Wildenstein:

I promise you, this is a real face.

The "face" at an angle:

And one more:

Stop torturing yourself, & put that mirror away.

If you're like me, and are completely bewildered, confused, and in complete shock over The Cat Lady's face (so much so, that you have completely forgotten that this was originally a story about Tori Spelling), you need to Google "Jocelyn Wildenstein" and let the horror story of her face unveil itself in all of its ture terror.

Seriously, nothing in the world interests me as much as this woman's face.  I just don't understand. She paid hundreds of thousands of dollars to look like that! WTF!?

What's Making Bradley Cooper So Happy?

Bradley Cooper was photographed at LAX yesterday (March 18), looking happy as a clam. Now, I know everybody is just dying to know: "Why so happy, B.Coop?" Well, you'd be happy too, if you had just broken up with the ugliest woman in Hollywood (possibly the planet).

Ear to ear

Yep, Renee Zellweger has (not surprisingly) been dumped by Bradley Cooper, after almost 2 years of dating. WILL SHE EVER FIND TRUE LOVE?!? Nope. Not even a mother could love a face that ugly.

Reps for the couple have yet to comment on the rumored breakup, so is it even true? Or is it just a load of crap, drummed up to create more buzz around Cooper, whose movie, Limitless, just happened to premiere yesterday? Who cares. I really just want to talk about how hideous Renee Zellweger is.

Get ready to shield your eyes, as we take a look at some of Renee's hottest pics:

Even Renee is disgusted with herself

Someone's been sucking on... lemons.

Wasted?

An uglier Anna Nicole Smith?

Renee's attempt to look seductive.

I am now violently vomiting. Thanks for helping me lose a few pounds, Renee!