Hugh Hefner: The Wedding is OFF

It looks like someone showed Playboy's financial statements to Crystal Harris, because she has called off her wedding to Hugh Hefner.

Hugh Hefner has tweeted:

Naturally, I had to ReTweet

The wedding was scheduled to take place this Saturday (June 18), and quite frankly, now that it's been called off,  I am simply beside myself with grief.

I mean, seriously, how can anyone believe in true love now? All of my hopes and dreams have been crushed. Crushed into a fine powder. A powder, made up of tiny, microscopic particles of cocaine. But what good will drugs do anyone now? None. None good.

Hopefully, these two crazy kids can find it within themselves to kiss and make up. Nothing beats a celeb break-up, like a celeb reconciliation, right Speidi?

Arnold Schwarzenegger Boned a Chick Named Mildred?!?

By now, we all know that Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife of 25 years, Maria Shriver, have separated (although no official legal action has been taken, as of yet).

Dunzo

We also know that the reason for their split was the fact that Arnie fathered an “illegitimate” child 14 years ago (Props to everyone involved for keeping this under wraps for such a long time. Secrets are hard!).

The mother of this bastard baby is a woman named Mildred Patricia Baena, who worked as housekeeper and assistant for the Schwarzenegger family for more than twenty years. 20 YEARS!

Mildred just retired from her post as homewrecker housekeeper this past January. Since she jumped off the bridge before it ignited in flames and crumbled to the rushing river beneath it, she even received a severance package. A SEVERANCE PACKAGE!    

Aren’t facts fun? Another fun fact: Maria Shriver was pregnant with her and Arnold’s youngest son, Christopher, at the same time that Mildred Baena was carrying Schwarzenegger’s love child. THE SAME TIME!

The thing I can’t get past, is the fact that Schwarzenegger cheated on his wife, and mother of his children, with a woman named Mildred. Mildred! Really? Come on, Arnie, her name is MILDRED! As if that weren’t bad enough, here’s a picture of the homely homewrecker (taken from her MySpace page. Who still has a MySpace page? Apparently, people named Mildred do):

Hot damn! That’s a whole lotta woman!

According to Mildred’s MySpace page, she goes by “Patty”. That's definitely better than Mildred. Blech. Here are some other fun facts about Mildred “Patty” Baena:

Here's a screen shot of Mildred Baena's MySpace profile (I'm quite worried it will soon be deleted):
(UPDATE: Mildred's MySpace page was deleted, sometime late May 19, or early May 20)

Check it out: Mildred has 1 friend. You go, girl!
(Click to zoom & check out the full shenanigans)

Arnold's 17-year-old son, Patrick Arnold Scwarzenegger has recently changed his name on Twitter, from "Patrick Schwarzenegger," to "Patrick Shriver"... obviously, the kids are on mom's side.

Adding insult to injury, Maria Shriver, who has been bosom buddies with Oprah for more than 30 years, made an appearance for the taping of Oprah's final show, where, according to TMZ, insinuating comments were made, supposedly directed at Arnold. Ba-zing! 

Poor Arnie, all alone in this cruel world.

I’m sure Arnie now thinks of Mildred as the "Baena" of his existence.
(Hardy har har)



*Special Note: I do feel for the poor kids involved in all of this. Especially Ms. Baena's son. He didn't ask for any of this, and I'm sure he's having a brutal time. Let us take a moment of silence to focus happy thoughts towards him.

The Week In Politics

Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife of 25 years, Maria Shriver, have separated!

OMG. Not surprising at all. I can't believe it's lasted as long as it has. Or that the relationship formed in the first place. A hardcore democrat, with a hardcore republican? That's just asking for trouble.*

In other political news...

Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock is "schockingly" sexy.

Check that out!

Men's Health named Mr. Schock "America's Fittest Congressman," which, if you think about it,  can't really be a very hard title to nab. Especially given the fact that Schock is currently the youngest U.S. representative, and the only one still in his 20's (until May 29, at least).

Still though, not bad. Not bad at all. I'd bone for sure.

Take a look at Aaron Schock's competition. New York Congressman, Jerrold Nadler:

Looks like the competition is definitely fierce!**


*Ok, maybe Schwarzenegger isn't a "hardcore" Republican... I just like to be a little dramatic.
**Jerry may or may not have lost weight since being captured in this stunning photograph. It is from 2007. But once a fatty, always a fatty. - Wise words of the day. My gift to you. You're welcome.

What's Making Bradley Cooper So Happy?

Bradley Cooper was photographed at LAX yesterday (March 18), looking happy as a clam. Now, I know everybody is just dying to know: "Why so happy, B.Coop?" Well, you'd be happy too, if you had just broken up with the ugliest woman in Hollywood (possibly the planet).

Ear to ear

Yep, Renee Zellweger has (not surprisingly) been dumped by Bradley Cooper, after almost 2 years of dating. WILL SHE EVER FIND TRUE LOVE?!? Nope. Not even a mother could love a face that ugly.

Reps for the couple have yet to comment on the rumored breakup, so is it even true? Or is it just a load of crap, drummed up to create more buzz around Cooper, whose movie, Limitless, just happened to premiere yesterday? Who cares. I really just want to talk about how hideous Renee Zellweger is.

Get ready to shield your eyes, as we take a look at some of Renee's hottest pics:

Even Renee is disgusted with herself

Someone's been sucking on... lemons.

Wasted?

An uglier Anna Nicole Smith?

Renee's attempt to look seductive.

I am now violently vomiting. Thanks for helping me lose a few pounds, Renee!

Jessica Biel's "Career" Comes to Screeching Halt

Poor Jessica Biel. Justin Timberlake has finally called it quits with her and those man-shoulders. Although, a rep for the pair does claim it was a mutual decision. Yeah right. Here's a statement released yesterday by their rep:

"Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship, we are confirming that they mutually have decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other."*

"Highest level of love and respect for each other"?  I find that quite laughable. When do people feel mutual love and respect for someone they just broke up with? Almost never, that's when.

Jesstin** started dating in 2007, and never really looked happy, ever.

Actually, let me rephrase that. In almost every photograph of Jessica and Justin, they either both look miserable and ornery; or Jessica looks enamored, while Justin looks either completely uninterested, or as if he would rather have someone put a bullet in his head and end his misery.

They are SO into each other

"Whatevs"

"She won't SHUT UP!!"

They only dragged that thing out for a good 4 years; no big deal. But weren't they rumored to have broken up before?  In an interview with Vogue last year, when asked about all of the rumors of break-ups and infidelities (on Justin's part), Jessica replied,

"I don't want to talk about it. I don't feel the need to clear anything up. It's the most precious thing that I have in my life, and I care about it so much that I don't care about what anyone says or thinks. I have just not addressed it in any real way, and I'm not going to. It's mine. And I really like that about it."

Is it just me, or does that response not seem to make complete sense? Nonsensical answer-dancing aside, of course the relationship was the most precious thing in Jessica Biel's life; it was the only reason anyone ever paid any attention to her.

Let's hope they stay broken up this time, I have little to no interest in either one of those idiots.


*Regarding their rep's statement, I feel it would have been more correctly phrased as such:"Addressing the media speculation regarding Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake's relationship, we are confirming that they have mutually decided to part ways. The two remain friends and continue to hold the highest level of love and respect for each other." But that's just a grammatical issue.

**People always like to mash celebrity couples' names together, so I wanted in on that action.