Rep. Weiner to Press: Ok, Ok, It's My Weiner

New York Congressman Anthony Weiner has finally owned up to sending a pic of his di- ... err, disco stick.

Son of a B, I really screwed the pooch on this one.

Earlier today, Rep. Weiner held a press conference to explain the whole dicky sticky situation, saying:

"Last Friday night, I tweeted a photograph of myself, that I intended to send as a direct message, as part of a joke, to a woman in Seattle. Once I realized I had posted it to Twitter, I panicked, I took it down, and said that I had been hacked."

As part of a joke, you say? So, what was the joke, "Hey baby, wanna see something funny?"?

I, for one, am glad he decided to crack a funny, because I've gotten quite the chuckle from this whole "Weiner Scandal".

Weiner admits to exchanging sexually explicit photos with "at least six women," with whom he was having "inappropriate conversations" online.

Weiner also wants us to know that he has "never met with these women, nor... had physical relationships at any time."

You've gotta give the guy credit for putting his last name to good use. It's all about name recognition, baby!

Here's the super sexy picture that Weiner accidentally posted to his Twitter:

The owner of this weiner is no longer in question.

You're welcome.

My biggest problem with this whole scandalous sitch, is this: How can this man be expected to handle any sort of government decisions, if he can't even figure out a simple thing like Twitter?

So far, Rep. Weiner and his wife are planning to stay together.

Fun Fact: Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin, works as an aide for Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. I wonder if Hillary had any advice to offer Huma?

Girl talk!

Sometimes, the news practically writes itself.

Arnold Schwarzenegger Boned a Chick Named Mildred?!?

By now, we all know that Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife of 25 years, Maria Shriver, have separated (although no official legal action has been taken, as of yet).

Dunzo

We also know that the reason for their split was the fact that Arnie fathered an “illegitimate” child 14 years ago (Props to everyone involved for keeping this under wraps for such a long time. Secrets are hard!).

The mother of this bastard baby is a woman named Mildred Patricia Baena, who worked as housekeeper and assistant for the Schwarzenegger family for more than twenty years. 20 YEARS!

Mildred just retired from her post as homewrecker housekeeper this past January. Since she jumped off the bridge before it ignited in flames and crumbled to the rushing river beneath it, she even received a severance package. A SEVERANCE PACKAGE!    

Aren’t facts fun? Another fun fact: Maria Shriver was pregnant with her and Arnold’s youngest son, Christopher, at the same time that Mildred Baena was carrying Schwarzenegger’s love child. THE SAME TIME!

The thing I can’t get past, is the fact that Schwarzenegger cheated on his wife, and mother of his children, with a woman named Mildred. Mildred! Really? Come on, Arnie, her name is MILDRED! As if that weren’t bad enough, here’s a picture of the homely homewrecker (taken from her MySpace page. Who still has a MySpace page? Apparently, people named Mildred do):

Hot damn! That’s a whole lotta woman!

According to Mildred’s MySpace page, she goes by “Patty”. That's definitely better than Mildred. Blech. Here are some other fun facts about Mildred “Patty” Baena:

Here's a screen shot of Mildred Baena's MySpace profile (I'm quite worried it will soon be deleted):
(UPDATE: Mildred's MySpace page was deleted, sometime late May 19, or early May 20)

Check it out: Mildred has 1 friend. You go, girl!
(Click to zoom & check out the full shenanigans)

Arnold's 17-year-old son, Patrick Arnold Scwarzenegger has recently changed his name on Twitter, from "Patrick Schwarzenegger," to "Patrick Shriver"... obviously, the kids are on mom's side.

Adding insult to injury, Maria Shriver, who has been bosom buddies with Oprah for more than 30 years, made an appearance for the taping of Oprah's final show, where, according to TMZ, insinuating comments were made, supposedly directed at Arnold. Ba-zing! 

Poor Arnie, all alone in this cruel world.

I’m sure Arnie now thinks of Mildred as the "Baena" of his existence.
(Hardy har har)



*Special Note: I do feel for the poor kids involved in all of this. Especially Ms. Baena's son. He didn't ask for any of this, and I'm sure he's having a brutal time. Let us take a moment of silence to focus happy thoughts towards him.