Emma Watson Goes for a Jog: An Animated Story

Cute little Emma Watson was spotted out in London yesterday afternoon, on what started out as a nice, relaxing stroll, complete with ice cream, and somehow turned into... something strange and inexplicable.

Trust me, you're gonna want to see this.

WARNING. I know almost nothing about epilepsy, but if you've got it, just be aware: the last picture may or may not induce seizing.

Just a casual stroll.

Then, Emma decides to take this walk to the next level:

Jogging.

Determination.

Yawn. Running is, like, so boring.

Exhaustion.

Whew. All that running makes me wanna show my butt cheeks!

Ok, Epileptics, this is the part I warned you about.

Let the seizures commence: *

*If you are viewing this on a mobile device and want in on the seizure-tastic fun, get thee to a real computer, stat!

Nicki Minaj Says "Good Morning America!" With a Nip Slip

Adolescent boys, rejoice: Nicki Minaj has joined countless celebrities, in the ranks of the Nip Slip Brigade.

Earlier today, Nicki Minaj put on a show for ABC's Good Morning America, as part of their 2011 Summer Concert Series, where she proceeded to show a little more than the Parents TV Council would have liked.

Get it girl

The PTC is up in arms, as usual, telling TMZ:

"For the umpteenth time in recent memory, a morning news show has included inappropriate content for children and families... Instead of asking for forgiveness, they need to stop apologizing, and implement the five second delay that so many Americans have been calling for.” ^[1]

In response, an ABC rep told TMZ:

"Although we had a five-second delay in place for the Nicki Minaj concert on GMA , the live East Coast feed of the concert regrettably included certain fleeting images of the performer that were taken out of later feeds of the broadcast in other time zones."

The ABC spokesperson then said:

"We are sorry that this occurred." ^[2]

That's it, ABC? You're "sorry"?!? THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!!!

How can you let certain regions of the country see Nicki's nipple, but not others? That's just discrimination, and as Americans, we should not stand for it!

WHO WANTS MORE?!?

^[1] TMZ Staff "Parents TV Council -- 'GMA' Failed On 5-Second Delay" TMZ 5 August 2011.

^[2] TMZ Staff "ABC Apologizes for Nicki Minaj Nip Slip" TMZ 5 August 2011.

Woman Cuts off Husband's Penis, Throws it in Garbage Disposal

Last night, at around 9pm, California police responded to a 911 call for a "medical emergency" in the quiet city of Garden Grove, in northern Orange County .

When police arrived, they found their medical emergency: a man bleeding from his private parts (or lack thereof).

The woman who placed the 911 call was the victim's wife, 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker.

Catherine Kieu Becker: Penis cutter

As it turns out, Catherine Kieu Becker made a lovely, home-cooked meal for her husband and drugged his food, causing him to become dangerously drowsy. Once her husband went drug-induced night-night, Becker tied him to their bed.

Mrs. Becker didn't stop there (obviously). She waited for her husband to wake up, AND THEN she grabbed his ding-a-ling, and hacked it clean off.

Perhaps in an effort to properly dispose of potentially biohazardous material, Catherine Kieu Becker proceeded to casually toss her husband's penis in the garbage disposal... and turned it on. Bye bye, wee-wee.

An orange peel will take care of any funky smells emanating from your garbage disposal

Catherine Kieu Becker is currently being held at the Orange County Jail, and has been charged with multiple penile penal code violations, including:

• Administering a drug with intent to commit a felony
• Aggravated mayhem
• Assault with a deadly weapon
• False imprisonment
• Poisoning
• Spousal abuse

I could be wrong, but "aggravated mayhem" sounds like a good time.

Since Catherine Becker isn't being charged with improper disposal of biological waste, I think it's safe to assume that she did the right thing, by tossing her husband's severed penis into the garbage disposal.

Not surprisingly, the couple was going through a divorce, and in Mrs. Becker's defense, she did tell responding officers that her husband "deserved it,"so perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt, and take her word for it. Either way, I think it’s safe to assume that Mrs. Becker’s home-cooked meal did not derail the couple’s plans to divorce.

Memory Lane: Remember when Lorena Bobbitt lopped off her husband's penis? I'd have to say this new incident takes the penis-cutting cake.


^[1] "Police: Wife Cuts off Husband's Penis, Tosses it in Garbage Disposal" KTLA News 12 July 2011.

Jennifer Lopez Joins the Nip Slip Brigade

The hottest trend among celebrities? Flashing a little nipple.

We should all think about getting in on this hot new trend, before it becomes passé. You don't wanna be left out!

The latest celebrity to jump on the nipple bandwagon is Jennifer Lopez. She, and her nipple, were featured yesterday, on the popular German television show, "Wetten Dass..?" (German for "Wanna Bet?")

Wanna bet we can get J.Lo to flash those boobies?

In J.Lo's defense, the show was filmed in a very windy outdoor stadium (which was packed, by the way).

Also, during the filming, I doubt anyone even noticed the whole boob-out-of-dress moment, because:
1. It was, quite sadly, very brief.
2. It was a stadium, for god's sake. No one there could even see J.Lo's face, much less, her nip naps. 

A little disappointing, really. One might say this was nothing more than a flash in the pan. Thank god we have the internet and high-def cameras, so we can relive this moment over and over again!

Here's a video clip of the event, so you can see for yourselves:

I quite enjoyed J.Lo's dramatic horse-drawn carriage arrival. Divalicious!

Heil Titler!

Rep. Weiner to Press: Ok, Ok, It's My Weiner

New York Congressman Anthony Weiner has finally owned up to sending a pic of his di- ... err, disco stick.

Son of a B, I really screwed the pooch on this one.

Earlier today, Rep. Weiner held a press conference to explain the whole dicky sticky situation, saying:

"Last Friday night, I tweeted a photograph of myself, that I intended to send as a direct message, as part of a joke, to a woman in Seattle. Once I realized I had posted it to Twitter, I panicked, I took it down, and said that I had been hacked."

As part of a joke, you say? So, what was the joke, "Hey baby, wanna see something funny?"?

I, for one, am glad he decided to crack a funny, because I've gotten quite the chuckle from this whole "Weiner Scandal".

Weiner admits to exchanging sexually explicit photos with "at least six women," with whom he was having "inappropriate conversations" online.

Weiner also wants us to know that he has "never met with these women, nor... had physical relationships at any time."

You've gotta give the guy credit for putting his last name to good use. It's all about name recognition, baby!

Here's the super sexy picture that Weiner accidentally posted to his Twitter:

The owner of this weiner is no longer in question.

You're welcome.

My biggest problem with this whole scandalous sitch, is this: How can this man be expected to handle any sort of government decisions, if he can't even figure out a simple thing like Twitter?

So far, Rep. Weiner and his wife are planning to stay together.

Fun Fact: Weiner's wife, Huma Abedin, works as an aide for Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton. I wonder if Hillary had any advice to offer Huma?

Girl talk!

Sometimes, the news practically writes itself.