Emma Watson Goes for a Jog: An Animated Story

Cute little Emma Watson was spotted out in London yesterday afternoon, on what started out as a nice, relaxing stroll, complete with ice cream, and somehow turned into... something strange and inexplicable.

Trust me, you're gonna want to see this.

WARNING. I know almost nothing about epilepsy, but if you've got it, just be aware: the last picture may or may not induce seizing.

Just a casual stroll.

Then, Emma decides to take this walk to the next level:

Jogging.

Determination.

Yawn. Running is, like, so boring.

Exhaustion.

Whew. All that running makes me wanna show my butt cheeks!

Ok, Epileptics, this is the part I warned you about.

Let the seizures commence: *

*If you are viewing this on a mobile device and want in on the seizure-tastic fun, get thee to a real computer, stat!

Jennifer Lopez Joins the Nip Slip Brigade

The hottest trend among celebrities? Flashing a little nipple.

We should all think about getting in on this hot new trend, before it becomes passé. You don't wanna be left out!

The latest celebrity to jump on the nipple bandwagon is Jennifer Lopez. She, and her nipple, were featured yesterday, on the popular German television show, "Wetten Dass..?" (German for "Wanna Bet?")

Wanna bet we can get J.Lo to flash those boobies?

In J.Lo's defense, the show was filmed in a very windy outdoor stadium (which was packed, by the way).

Also, during the filming, I doubt anyone even noticed the whole boob-out-of-dress moment, because:
1. It was, quite sadly, very brief.
2. It was a stadium, for god's sake. No one there could even see J.Lo's face, much less, her nip naps. 

A little disappointing, really. One might say this was nothing more than a flash in the pan. Thank god we have the internet and high-def cameras, so we can relive this moment over and over again!

Here's a video clip of the event, so you can see for yourselves:

I quite enjoyed J.Lo's dramatic horse-drawn carriage arrival. Divalicious!

Heil Titler!

The World's Biggest Boobs

164XXX
That is the size of the ENORMOUS knockers on Minneapolis native, Chelsea Charms.

WOW. Charming.

Even more charming, is the fact that Ms. Charms is in the "adult entertainment" industry, and her cup size is XXX. A charming coincidence! 

Check out that back fat!

Each of those bad boys weighs in at a whopping 26.5 lbs. EACH!

Math is hard! So, let me help you out: that's 53 lbs. of boob. FIFTY-THREE!!

I'd love to know how she manages to stand upright.

Chelsea Charms is only 5'3".... so, 53 lbs. is more than 1/3 the weight of a normal, healthy woman of her height. That being said, I apologize for my crack about homegirl's back fat. I imagine it is quite the feat just to haul her ass out of bed every morning. To expect her to exercise would be cruelly unreasonable.

Chelsea Charms flew across the pond to beg for attention showcase her massive breasts on the British television programme, This Morning.

After her circus act television appearance, host of This Morning, Phillip Schofield tweeted this "charming" picture:

Phillip Schofield totes wants to tap that!

The online edition of The Daily Mirror, "Britain's brightest tabloid newspaper," featured the following headline, which may very well be the best headline in the history of hard-hitting journalism:

"Phillip Schofield is left gobsmacked by This Morning guest with the world's largest bust – at 164 XXX"

Gobsmacked, indeed.

Chelsea Charms has wittily nicknamed her monstrous boobies, "Itsy and Bitsy". Good looks and a sense of humor? A true rarity.

To get her "charming" chest, Chelsea Charms underwent a procedure called Polypropylene String Breast Implants. Ms. Charms very eloquently explained this procedure, saying:

"It's basically a cord, and it pumps fluid in the breast pocket. The string implants irritate the breast pocket, which, in turn, promotes the production of fluid." 

According to Wikipedia (keeper of all things factual), this procedure "causes continuous expansion of the breast after surgery." So, "Itsy and Bitsy" (which, remember: already weigh in at a combined 53 lbs.), continue to grow at the back-breaking rate of an inch per month.  

ONE INCH EVERY MONTH! How much more can this poor woman be forced to endure? Chelsea can hardly use an airplane bathroom, and she struggles through even the simplest of tasks, such as eating at tables. And yet, she admits that she desperately craves enjoys the attention that comes with her enormous melons, and says she "wouldn't have it any other way".

Unfortunately, for all of you flat-chested bitties out there, you've already missed the boat to a more charming, fully-breasted life, as this procedure is now banned. Sorry!



*I hope you enjoyed my obnoxious use of the word "charming". Hardy har. Me so punny.

Yeah Girrrrl

I'd had just about enough of all the Royal Wedding talk...and then I saw this magnificent photograph on TMZ:

Need I say anything more?