Woman Cuts off Husband's Penis, Throws it in Garbage Disposal

Last night, at around 9pm, California police responded to a 911 call for a "medical emergency" in the quiet city of Garden Grove, in northern Orange County .

When police arrived, they found their medical emergency: a man bleeding from his private parts (or lack thereof).

The woman who placed the 911 call was the victim's wife, 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker.

Catherine Kieu Becker: Penis cutter

As it turns out, Catherine Kieu Becker made a lovely, home-cooked meal for her husband and drugged his food, causing him to become dangerously drowsy. Once her husband went drug-induced night-night, Becker tied him to their bed.

Mrs. Becker didn't stop there (obviously). She waited for her husband to wake up, AND THEN she grabbed his ding-a-ling, and hacked it clean off.

Perhaps in an effort to properly dispose of potentially biohazardous material, Catherine Kieu Becker proceeded to casually toss her husband's penis in the garbage disposal... and turned it on. Bye bye, wee-wee.

An orange peel will take care of any funky smells emanating from your garbage disposal

Catherine Kieu Becker is currently being held at the Orange County Jail, and has been charged with multiple penile penal code violations, including:

• Administering a drug with intent to commit a felony
• Aggravated mayhem
• Assault with a deadly weapon
• False imprisonment
• Poisoning
• Spousal abuse

I could be wrong, but "aggravated mayhem" sounds like a good time.

Since Catherine Becker isn't being charged with improper disposal of biological waste, I think it's safe to assume that she did the right thing, by tossing her husband's severed penis into the garbage disposal.

Not surprisingly, the couple was going through a divorce, and in Mrs. Becker's defense, she did tell responding officers that her husband "deserved it,"so perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt, and take her word for it. Either way, I think it’s safe to assume that Mrs. Becker’s home-cooked meal did not derail the couple’s plans to divorce.

Memory Lane: Remember when Lorena Bobbitt lopped off her husband's penis? I'd have to say this new incident takes the penis-cutting cake.


^[1] "Police: Wife Cuts off Husband's Penis, Tosses it in Garbage Disposal" KTLA News 12 July 2011.

The World's Biggest Boobs

164XXX
That is the size of the ENORMOUS knockers on Minneapolis native, Chelsea Charms.

WOW. Charming.

Even more charming, is the fact that Ms. Charms is in the "adult entertainment" industry, and her cup size is XXX. A charming coincidence! 

Check out that back fat!

Each of those bad boys weighs in at a whopping 26.5 lbs. EACH!

Math is hard! So, let me help you out: that's 53 lbs. of boob. FIFTY-THREE!!

I'd love to know how she manages to stand upright.

Chelsea Charms is only 5'3".... so, 53 lbs. is more than 1/3 the weight of a normal, healthy woman of her height. That being said, I apologize for my crack about homegirl's back fat. I imagine it is quite the feat just to haul her ass out of bed every morning. To expect her to exercise would be cruelly unreasonable.

Chelsea Charms flew across the pond to beg for attention showcase her massive breasts on the British television programme, This Morning.

After her circus act television appearance, host of This Morning, Phillip Schofield tweeted this "charming" picture:

Phillip Schofield totes wants to tap that!

The online edition of The Daily Mirror, "Britain's brightest tabloid newspaper," featured the following headline, which may very well be the best headline in the history of hard-hitting journalism:

"Phillip Schofield is left gobsmacked by This Morning guest with the world's largest bust – at 164 XXX"

Gobsmacked, indeed.

Chelsea Charms has wittily nicknamed her monstrous boobies, "Itsy and Bitsy". Good looks and a sense of humor? A true rarity.

To get her "charming" chest, Chelsea Charms underwent a procedure called Polypropylene String Breast Implants. Ms. Charms very eloquently explained this procedure, saying:

"It's basically a cord, and it pumps fluid in the breast pocket. The string implants irritate the breast pocket, which, in turn, promotes the production of fluid." 

According to Wikipedia (keeper of all things factual), this procedure "causes continuous expansion of the breast after surgery." So, "Itsy and Bitsy" (which, remember: already weigh in at a combined 53 lbs.), continue to grow at the back-breaking rate of an inch per month.  

ONE INCH EVERY MONTH! How much more can this poor woman be forced to endure? Chelsea can hardly use an airplane bathroom, and she struggles through even the simplest of tasks, such as eating at tables. And yet, she admits that she desperately craves enjoys the attention that comes with her enormous melons, and says she "wouldn't have it any other way".

Unfortunately, for all of you flat-chested bitties out there, you've already missed the boat to a more charming, fully-breasted life, as this procedure is now banned. Sorry!



*I hope you enjoyed my obnoxious use of the word "charming". Hardy har. Me so punny.

ScarJo Considers Bob Barker, Goes After Sean Penn Instead

Just a few short months ago, Scarlett Johansson split from hubby of 2 years, Ryan Reynolds.  Who does she rebound with?  Is it some hot guy to really stick it to RyRy, and show him what he's missing?  Nope.  Homie don't play like dat!  Homie keeps it real.  Really real, apparently, because Scarlett's new man is none other than old fart, Sean Penn.

WTF, Scarlett, he's literally TWICE your age. 

Step aside, Ryan Reynolds!  There's a real hunk comin' through!

I see how Sean P. could be quite the catch for a more...umm, mature woman; he is a very successful actor, after all; plus he's a total dbag, and what woman doesn't totally dig that?!?

But seriously, Scarlett's got herself a nice pair of ta-ta's, and the rest of her isn't half bad either.  On top of that, one might also consider her acting career to be relatively successful.  So, with all that going for her, you'd think she could do a little better than some old geezer.  I mean, she was married to the Sexiest Man Alive.  Whatevs though, the heart wants what the heart wants.

Ahahahahaa! I LOVE old men!

Scarlett & Penn claim to be nothing more than friends, but relationship rumors have been swirling around the pair since this January, and things have really been heating up.  Let's take a look at the evidence, shall we?

1.  TMZ caught ScarPenn out to lunch in LA, February 28, where she, umm, rubbed his crotch with her foot (gross).

Hey-o!

 2.  The pair took a private jet to Mexico, March 1, where they shared a romantic dinner in Cabo San Lucas, and spent the night (scandalous!).

Smile for the paps!

3.  The two actors cozied up for a romantic evening at Hollywood hot spot, Chateau Marmont, the first weekend of March.

This shot very clearly shows Scarlett & Sean sharing the most intimate dinner ever.  OMG!

4.  And the latest proof: The happy couple spent a fun night out with a few friends at an Italian restaurant in West Hollywood, March 19.

That's Scarlett on Sean's lap, in a car, after din din.

These days, a photo needn't show much of anything in particular to be considered hard evidence.  But that's all the proof I need to believe this somewhat barfy relationship is real!  The two, at the very least, have been boning for quite a few months now.