Kanye West Thinks He's Hitler ... and Michael Jordan

Kanye West went on another one of his characteristic rants in the middle of a performance in England, Saturday night.

In this especially strange and entertaining rant, he compared himself to Adolf Hitler and Michael Jordan.

Comparing himself to Hitler, Kanye said:

"I walk down the street, and people look at me like I'm f##king insane. Like I'm Hitler."

But wait, let Kanye finish. He continued his rant, suggesting he was the Michael Jordan of music:

"Michael Jordan changed so much in basketball, he took his power to make a difference. It's so much f##king going on in music right now, and somebody has to make a f##king difference."

Watch TMZ's video, in which Kanye West compares himself to Hitler. <sup>[1]


[1]</sup> TMZ Staff "Kanye: People Look At Me Like I'm Adolf Hitler" TMZ 8 August 2011.

Woman Cuts off Husband's Penis, Throws it in Garbage Disposal

Last night, at around 9pm, California police responded to a 911 call for a "medical emergency" in the quiet city of Garden Grove, in northern Orange County .

When police arrived, they found their medical emergency: a man bleeding from his private parts (or lack thereof).

The woman who placed the 911 call was the victim's wife, 48-year-old Catherine Kieu Becker.

Catherine Kieu Becker: Penis cutter

As it turns out, Catherine Kieu Becker made a lovely, home-cooked meal for her husband and drugged his food, causing him to become dangerously drowsy. Once her husband went drug-induced night-night, Becker tied him to their bed.

Mrs. Becker didn't stop there (obviously). She waited for her husband to wake up, AND THEN she grabbed his ding-a-ling, and hacked it clean off.

Perhaps in an effort to properly dispose of potentially biohazardous material, Catherine Kieu Becker proceeded to casually toss her husband's penis in the garbage disposal... and turned it on. Bye bye, wee-wee.

An orange peel will take care of any funky smells emanating from your garbage disposal

Catherine Kieu Becker is currently being held at the Orange County Jail, and has been charged with multiple penile penal code violations, including:

• Administering a drug with intent to commit a felony
• Aggravated mayhem
• Assault with a deadly weapon
• False imprisonment
• Poisoning
• Spousal abuse

I could be wrong, but "aggravated mayhem" sounds like a good time.

Since Catherine Becker isn't being charged with improper disposal of biological waste, I think it's safe to assume that she did the right thing, by tossing her husband's severed penis into the garbage disposal.

Not surprisingly, the couple was going through a divorce, and in Mrs. Becker's defense, she did tell responding officers that her husband "deserved it,"so perhaps we should give her the benefit of the doubt, and take her word for it. Either way, I think it’s safe to assume that Mrs. Becker’s home-cooked meal did not derail the couple’s plans to divorce.

Memory Lane: Remember when Lorena Bobbitt lopped off her husband's penis? I'd have to say this new incident takes the penis-cutting cake.


^[1] "Police: Wife Cuts off Husband's Penis, Tosses it in Garbage Disposal" KTLA News 12 July 2011.

NicoSheen: The Next Best Thing to Crack Cocaine

He may never get Two And A Half Men back, but Charlie Sheen now has something even better: e-Grits!

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you: NicoSheen!

Yep. The world's premier news source, TMZ, has revealed that Charlie Sheen has a line of electronic cigarettes coming soon! 

NicoSheen, the "Winning E-Cigarette," features "Sheen Safe Smoke". I don't know what that means, but if it's good enough for Charlie, it's good enough for me!

The best part is: Charlie Sheen's mugshot headshot is prominently displayed on the packaging.

Brooke Mueller's Fun-Filled Week

Charlie Sheen's estranged (and dangerously deranged) ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has been up to some crazy shenans this week! She's obviously out to show the world that she's cleaning up her act, in order to retain custody of the children she birthed with loony toon, Charlie Sheen.

Aww, the good ol' days, when Brooke & Charlie would chain smoke & do lines of blow together, as a happily married couple.

The first sign that Brookey took the short jump into the pits of insanity, was her attempt to sell a stereo and a pricey men's watch to a pawn shop in Inglewood, CA, early Thursday morning.  Not surprisingly, TMZ got their grubby little hands on the pawn shop's surveillance footage, which shows Brooke looking all nervous and fidgety. Nothing like a hearty bowl of crack cocaine to start your day!

Poor Brooke couldn't convince the pawn shop to buy her goodies, 'cause she couldn't supply a valid I.D. - Must be a pretty classy pawn shop, if you need a real I.D!

Interesting note: Brooke gets $55,000 EVERY MONTH in child support from Charlie, not to mention, the millions she received when they divorced. So, WHY does she need to pawn anything? How much blow can you possibly buy in a month? And hasn't she ever heard of ebay? No one asks you for I.D. on ebay! Stupid Brooke.

2nd DAY OF SHENANS:

(Background Info: Brooke & Charlie both agreed to random drug-testing, as part of their custody settlement.)

Brooke was scheduled to have a drug test at 6pm on Friday...yet when the drug testers showed up at her home, Brooke's lawyer, was all, "Nuh-uh! Brooke doesn't need to take no drug test!"*

Obviously, Brooke didn't want to take the drug test, because she was offended that anyone would doubt her sobriety in the first place. She was overheard telling the drug testers (in a British accent), "I will surely not dignify your suspicions by submitting myself to your mandatory drug tests!"* There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. This clearly proves that Brooke is clean and sober.

According to the terms of Brooke & Charlie's custody settlement:

refusing to take a drug test = a dirty test.

So which coke fiend will get to keep these lucky kids? Will it be unemployed Charlie Sheen? Or bat-s#!t crazy Brooke Mueller? OR will it be the wannabe-pornstar Goddesses?!?

This one's got me on the edge of my seat!! I can't wait to find out how this story ends!

One big, happy family!

*Disclaimer: No one said any of these things.

Chris Brown's Uncontrollable Rage is But a Distant Memory

This morning, Chris Brown made a scheduled appearance on ABC's "Good Morning America," to promote his new album, F.A.M.E.*

When the interviewer, Robin Roberts, touched on the topic of Brown's 2009 "domestic incident" with then-girlfriend, Rihanna, his blood began to boil.

Especially for a reporter, Robin was pretty nice in her approach to questions about the 2009 beating incident.  She didn't press the issue too hard, and didn't even mention the actual beating part; she simply asked Mr. Brown about the restraining order that Rihanna had against him (which was relaxed in February, so that Brown must now stay just 10 yards away from Rihanna, lowered from the initial 50 yards).

However, Brown continually skirted her questions, instead insisting that "everybody go get that album," and growing more and more angry and fidgety as the interview continued.

Here's a video of this morning's interview:

At the very end of this video clip, Chris Brown states that he does everything for his fans, and that he "could care less what anybody else thinks".  Who taught you English, homie??  Because that is NOT the correct phrasing of this oft-misused saying.  Clearly, Chris Brown meant to say that he "could not care less".  WHAT an idiot.  His whole "I'm the victim" mentality, and stupid, arrogant statements aside, this is the biggest issue I have with his GMA interview. 

But moving on: Apparently, Brown grew so angry during the interview, that after an incredibly auto-tuned performance of his single, Yeah 3X, he stormed off the stage, stomped off to his dressing room, and proceeded to throw a big ol' temper tantrum.  Brown raised such a ruckus in his dressing room, that the show's hair and makeup staff got scurred, and called security.

According to TMZ's^[1] infinite sources, Brown then decided to ditch his shirt, skip a second performance, which he was scheduled to record for ABC's website, and get all up in the grill of one of GMA's segment producers.

Clearly, Christopher Maurice Brown's former anger problems are a-okay and gone away.

F*** Shirts!

After Chris Brown and his enablers Team Breezy left the building, it was discovered that, in his fit of rage, Brown had used a chair to smash one of the exterior windows in his dressing room.  (ABC News has confirmed that the window was shattered, which is visible from outside of the building, at 43rd street and Broadway, in Manhattan.)

Here's a pic of the broken window: ^[1]

Isn't vandalism considered probation violation? UH OH!

BONUS: For a fist-pumping good time, watch this video of Chris Brown's GMA performance:

*Chris Brown stated that "F.A.M.E." stands for "Forgiving All My Enemies"
...Really, Señor Marrón? Ok, then.


^[1] TMZ Staff [VIDEO] Chris Brown at 'GMA' -- Violent Outburst at 'Good Morning America' TMZ 22 March 2011.

Gary Busey Puts a Little Crazy In Your GPS

For the low, low price of $6.95, you can download Gary Busey's voice for your TomTom or Garmin global positioning system.  That's a heckuva deal!! 

Gary approves!!!

It's slightly scary, like the blind leading the blind, but hey, at least you'll be laughing your arse off when your car speeds off a cliff and bursts into flames!  No complaints here!

Gary Busey's vocal chords are available for download through NavTones, where you can also listen to a sample, in which Gary Busey tells drivers to "honk at geese":

“Hi, my name is Gary Busey and if you ever get bored, just honk at geese.  Even though you don’t see any, just honk at them, like…I’ll give you an example: HOOOONK, HOOOONK, HOOOONK.  I’m not bored, because I’m honking at geese.”

Oh, Gary, you're soooo funny!!! Hardy harr harr.  The only thing that could possibly make this better, is if there were also a download that could give your GPS Gary's teeth and a straight jacket.

If Gary's not quite your cup o' tea, NavTones has a whole slew of crazy celeb voices to choose from, including, but not limited to, FLAVORRRR FLAVVVV!