Brooke Mueller: Hard Drugs, Hard Nipples

Charlie Sheen's ex-wife / baby mama, Brooke Mueller, was spotted out n' about in Hawaii. Not surprisingly, Brooke was engaging in some highly suspicious activity, to say the least.

As Brooke roamed the streets of Maui, cash in hand, she was photographed talking to multiple people in random cars. From my extensive research, this looks a lot like the behavior of a junkie buying drugs.

Full disclosure: the only research I've done has been in the form of viewing those newfangled talkies.

Suspicious, no?

Woman on a mission!
Ok, Brooke's nipples may or may not be hard. But they are visible. Close enough.

Fiending for more? TMZ has a delightful gallery, full of pictures depicting Brooke Mueller's Shady Transaction In Hawaii. 

Remember Brooke Mueller's Fun-Filled Week back in mid-April?

So, what do you think: Is Brooke Mueller an unfit mother? Should Charlie Sheen get the two chil'ns for keepsies? Is there a lesser evil in all of this? How 'bout Grandma? Where did Brookey get her super cute ensemble? What have the Goddesses been up to? Does Denise Richards ever not look like a deer caught in headlights? Does she really do her own bikini waxing? Do you think she numbs her vaj first? So many questions, my head is spinning.Get at me.

NicoSheen: The Next Best Thing to Crack Cocaine

He may never get Two And A Half Men back, but Charlie Sheen now has something even better: e-Grits!

Ladies & Gentlemen, I give you: NicoSheen!

Yep. The world's premier news source, TMZ, has revealed that Charlie Sheen has a line of electronic cigarettes coming soon! 

NicoSheen, the "Winning E-Cigarette," features "Sheen Safe Smoke". I don't know what that means, but if it's good enough for Charlie, it's good enough for me!

The best part is: Charlie Sheen's mugshot headshot is prominently displayed on the packaging.

Well Obviously, We Got Weed in Lincoln Park

Everyone's favorite hoodrat, Antoine Dodson, was arrested in the wee hours of the morning for...possession of marijuana.

Higher than a muhfugga

This arrest isn't really very unexpected or exciting. You know what I wish he had been arrested for?? ATTEMPTED RAPE, that's what.

I don't want anyone to be actually raped, which is why I specified, "attempted".

Not that I want anyone to be almost raped, either... I just love me some irony. Can't be mad at that! No you cannot.

Of course, TMZ ^[1] has Antoine's mugshot for our viewing pleasure:

I thought the whole "Bed Intruder" song helped Antoine move his family out of the projects?

"Weyll obvee-uslee" that isn't the case, because Antoine's arrest was made by the Huntsville Police Department.

For those of you that aren't as well-acquainted with the hood as I am: Huntsville, Alabama is home to Lincoln Park, the housing project where Antoine's sister's almost-rapist was/is all up in.

Like I always say:

"You can take a boy out the 'hood, but you can't take the 'hood out the boy. Additionally, you can't take the boy out the afore-mentioned 'hood for very long, because he will be returning shortly"

Ok, that's kind of a long catchphrase, it's still a work in progress.

I love to give the people what they want, so here's the YouTube video for the classic "INTRUDER SONG!!! (now on iTunes)":

As the reporter said in the original report: "Emotions were running high"

^[1] TMZ Staff "Antoine Dodson Arrested for Marijuana Possession" TMZ 23 April 2011.