Brooke Mueller's Fun-Filled Week

Charlie Sheen's estranged (and dangerously deranged) ex-wife, Brooke Mueller, has been up to some crazy shenans this week! She's obviously out to show the world that she's cleaning up her act, in order to retain custody of the children she birthed with loony toon, Charlie Sheen.

Aww, the good ol' days, when Brooke & Charlie would chain smoke & do lines of blow together, as a happily married couple.

The first sign that Brookey took the short jump into the pits of insanity, was her attempt to sell a stereo and a pricey men's watch to a pawn shop in Inglewood, CA, early Thursday morning.  Not surprisingly, TMZ got their grubby little hands on the pawn shop's surveillance footage, which shows Brooke looking all nervous and fidgety. Nothing like a hearty bowl of crack cocaine to start your day!

Poor Brooke couldn't convince the pawn shop to buy her goodies, 'cause she couldn't supply a valid I.D. - Must be a pretty classy pawn shop, if you need a real I.D!

Interesting note: Brooke gets $55,000 EVERY MONTH in child support from Charlie, not to mention, the millions she received when they divorced. So, WHY does she need to pawn anything? How much blow can you possibly buy in a month? And hasn't she ever heard of ebay? No one asks you for I.D. on ebay! Stupid Brooke.

2nd DAY OF SHENANS:

(Background Info: Brooke & Charlie both agreed to random drug-testing, as part of their custody settlement.)

Brooke was scheduled to have a drug test at 6pm on Friday...yet when the drug testers showed up at her home, Brooke's lawyer, was all, "Nuh-uh! Brooke doesn't need to take no drug test!"*

Obviously, Brooke didn't want to take the drug test, because she was offended that anyone would doubt her sobriety in the first place. She was overheard telling the drug testers (in a British accent), "I will surely not dignify your suspicions by submitting myself to your mandatory drug tests!"* There you have it, straight from the horse's mouth. This clearly proves that Brooke is clean and sober.

According to the terms of Brooke & Charlie's custody settlement:

refusing to take a drug test = a dirty test.

So which coke fiend will get to keep these lucky kids? Will it be unemployed Charlie Sheen? Or bat-s#!t crazy Brooke Mueller? OR will it be the wannabe-pornstar Goddesses?!?

This one's got me on the edge of my seat!! I can't wait to find out how this story ends!

One big, happy family!

*Disclaimer: No one said any of these things.

Update: Charlie Sheen's Still Got a Piss Poor Attitude

Charlie Sheen may have single-handedly caused the cancellation of the four episodes left for this season of Two and a Half Men, but Warner Bros. Television wants to assure everyone not to fret: the crew will still get paid for the episodes that they would have worked on, had they not been cancelled.

But don't worry, Charlie is still a big ol' d-bag.  He's been having a jolly good time, running around to any/every news source willing to listen to him rant and rave, chain-smoking all the while.

Watch the following video to see how many cigarettes Charlie Sheen can smoke in just one minute!

With Charlie's unstoppable media rampage, it's not surprising that his longtime publicist, Stan Rosenfield, has announced his resignation. But on the bright side, the wise being known as Spencer Pratt told TMZ that he'd be happy to step in as Sheen's publicist.  All for the low, low price of $FREE.99!!  Wow, Spence, you've done so well for yourself and Heidi "Clown Boobs" Pratt Montag, that I'm sure you could take Charlie's situation and turn it right around!

Watch the following video to see the big reveal of  Charlie Sheen's drug test results, proving that he's been clean for THREE WHOLE DAYS!!! Wow, big win for Charlie!  Big win, indeed.