The World's Biggest Boobs

164XXX
That is the size of the ENORMOUS knockers on Minneapolis native, Chelsea Charms.

WOW. Charming.

Even more charming, is the fact that Ms. Charms is in the "adult entertainment" industry, and her cup size is XXX. A charming coincidence! 

Check out that back fat!

Each of those bad boys weighs in at a whopping 26.5 lbs. EACH!

Math is hard! So, let me help you out: that's 53 lbs. of boob. FIFTY-THREE!!

I'd love to know how she manages to stand upright.

Chelsea Charms is only 5'3".... so, 53 lbs. is more than 1/3 the weight of a normal, healthy woman of her height. That being said, I apologize for my crack about homegirl's back fat. I imagine it is quite the feat just to haul her ass out of bed every morning. To expect her to exercise would be cruelly unreasonable.

Chelsea Charms flew across the pond to beg for attention showcase her massive breasts on the British television programme, This Morning.

After her circus act television appearance, host of This Morning, Phillip Schofield tweeted this "charming" picture:

Phillip Schofield totes wants to tap that!

The online edition of The Daily Mirror, "Britain's brightest tabloid newspaper," featured the following headline, which may very well be the best headline in the history of hard-hitting journalism:

"Phillip Schofield is left gobsmacked by This Morning guest with the world's largest bust – at 164 XXX"

Gobsmacked, indeed.

Chelsea Charms has wittily nicknamed her monstrous boobies, "Itsy and Bitsy". Good looks and a sense of humor? A true rarity.

To get her "charming" chest, Chelsea Charms underwent a procedure called Polypropylene String Breast Implants. Ms. Charms very eloquently explained this procedure, saying:

"It's basically a cord, and it pumps fluid in the breast pocket. The string implants irritate the breast pocket, which, in turn, promotes the production of fluid." 

According to Wikipedia (keeper of all things factual), this procedure "causes continuous expansion of the breast after surgery." So, "Itsy and Bitsy" (which, remember: already weigh in at a combined 53 lbs.), continue to grow at the back-breaking rate of an inch per month.  

ONE INCH EVERY MONTH! How much more can this poor woman be forced to endure? Chelsea can hardly use an airplane bathroom, and she struggles through even the simplest of tasks, such as eating at tables. And yet, she admits that she desperately craves enjoys the attention that comes with her enormous melons, and says she "wouldn't have it any other way".

Unfortunately, for all of you flat-chested bitties out there, you've already missed the boat to a more charming, fully-breasted life, as this procedure is now banned. Sorry!



*I hope you enjoyed my obnoxious use of the word "charming". Hardy har. Me so punny.

Kim Kardashian's Butt: It's ASStronomical

Kim Kardashian and her humongous hind end were recently spotted in Puerto Mito, Mexico, accompanied by her boyfriend (for now), Kris Humphries.

Kris Humphries is a freakin' giant, but Kim's butt is bigger.

"Kiss me, Kris!"

I'm actually in awe of the fact that Kim can manage to squeeze that thing into pants! Seriously, how can that butt be REAL? Click on the picture to see that thing up close.

The pair continued their makeout sesh for the photogs...and even had time for a costume change:



"Kiss me again, Kris!"



"Catch me, Kris!"



"Do me, Kris!"



"Show the camera my butt crack, Kris!"

"QUIT IT, Kris! Can't you see the paparazzi are leaving?"



The three-some (Kris, Kim, & Kim's ass) were in Mexico with Kim's sister, Kourtney Kardashian, to celebrate Kourtney's descent into old-agedness.

Thirty-two. Kourtney is now 32! That's super ancient, by Hollywood standards. I'm surprised she can still manage to walk without a cane.

Little baby Mason, and Kourtney's baby daddy, Scott Disick, also tagged along to serve as constant reminders to Kourtney of just how old she is. Here's a picture of the happy family:

That's it. Kourtney and her little quasi-family get one picture. Just one.