Olivia Wilde Stars in 'The Peter Griffin Side Boob Hour' (& Other Boob News)

Olivia Wilde was photographed earlier today, at the UK premiere of Cowboys and Aliens:

Check out that side boob.

How 'bout that side boob?

The Peter Griffin Side Boob Hour

And in other Boob News:

Lindsay Lohan Wears a Semi-Sheer Top 

Say what you will about Ms. Lohan, but she does have a nice pair of tater tots.

Ice-T & Coco Renew Their Wedding Vows, Show a Little Nip.

My, how time flies. Ice-T and Coco have already been married for 10 years!

To celebrate, the pair renewed their vows last night, in a super classy ceremony, held at the W Hotel, in Hollywood.

Ice-T and the Bride of Frankenstein Coco Austin at their vow renewal ceremony.

Of course, the "intimate" ceremony was filmed for the couple's brand new reality show, Ice Loves Coco, set to premiere on E! on June 12, at 10:30/9:30c. Mark your calendars, kiddos, that's just over a week away!

Among their guests, was Snoop Dogg. A fairytale wedding, indeed.

Here are some more fab pictures from Ice-T and Coco's super classy vow renewal ceremony:

I think I see nipple.

Awwwww.

Look! I found the inspiration for Coco's wedding dress:

Who would've thought Coco Austin was into Victorian era fashion?

The World's Biggest Boobs

164XXX
That is the size of the ENORMOUS knockers on Minneapolis native, Chelsea Charms.

WOW. Charming.

Even more charming, is the fact that Ms. Charms is in the "adult entertainment" industry, and her cup size is XXX. A charming coincidence! 

Check out that back fat!

Each of those bad boys weighs in at a whopping 26.5 lbs. EACH!

Math is hard! So, let me help you out: that's 53 lbs. of boob. FIFTY-THREE!!

I'd love to know how she manages to stand upright.

Chelsea Charms is only 5'3".... so, 53 lbs. is more than 1/3 the weight of a normal, healthy woman of her height. That being said, I apologize for my crack about homegirl's back fat. I imagine it is quite the feat just to haul her ass out of bed every morning. To expect her to exercise would be cruelly unreasonable.

Chelsea Charms flew across the pond to beg for attention showcase her massive breasts on the British television programme, This Morning.

After her circus act television appearance, host of This Morning, Phillip Schofield tweeted this "charming" picture:

Phillip Schofield totes wants to tap that!

The online edition of The Daily Mirror, "Britain's brightest tabloid newspaper," featured the following headline, which may very well be the best headline in the history of hard-hitting journalism:

"Phillip Schofield is left gobsmacked by This Morning guest with the world's largest bust – at 164 XXX"

Gobsmacked, indeed.

Chelsea Charms has wittily nicknamed her monstrous boobies, "Itsy and Bitsy". Good looks and a sense of humor? A true rarity.

To get her "charming" chest, Chelsea Charms underwent a procedure called Polypropylene String Breast Implants. Ms. Charms very eloquently explained this procedure, saying:

"It's basically a cord, and it pumps fluid in the breast pocket. The string implants irritate the breast pocket, which, in turn, promotes the production of fluid." 

According to Wikipedia (keeper of all things factual), this procedure "causes continuous expansion of the breast after surgery." So, "Itsy and Bitsy" (which, remember: already weigh in at a combined 53 lbs.), continue to grow at the back-breaking rate of an inch per month.  

ONE INCH EVERY MONTH! How much more can this poor woman be forced to endure? Chelsea can hardly use an airplane bathroom, and she struggles through even the simplest of tasks, such as eating at tables. And yet, she admits that she desperately craves enjoys the attention that comes with her enormous melons, and says she "wouldn't have it any other way".

Unfortunately, for all of you flat-chested bitties out there, you've already missed the boat to a more charming, fully-breasted life, as this procedure is now banned. Sorry!



*I hope you enjoyed my obnoxious use of the word "charming". Hardy har. Me so punny.

Aubrey O'Day: Now It's Just Getting Sad

Tonight marks the premiere of Aubrey O'Day's new show, All About Aubrey, on America's classiest network: Oxygen.

This show follows Aubrey and her fake boobies around, as she desperately tries to convince us that she's not just a useless piece of garbage that missed her true calling as a porn star.

Rough night, Aubrey?

Oxygen's website states that "at 26 years old and a little more worldly, it's time for O'Day to tackle the tough questions," and then proceeds to ask 3 extremely difficult questions.  You could watch the show to find out the answers... or you can take the less painful route, and skip all of that, because I have the answers right here!  You can thank me later. 

Question 1: Will she find Mr. Right?
Answer: Do filthy hookers even care about finding "Mr. Right"?

Question 2: Can she prove to the industry that she has the star power to get back on top?
Answer: She was never exactly "on top," so how could she return to a place she's never been?

Question 3: Can she put in the hard work to deal with the cameras, the gossip, and the backstabbing?
Answer: Does she really think that any amount of hard work will actually make a difference?

My deepest apologies, I know it's rude to answer a question with a question, but I just couldn't help myself.  

If you have some sort of freakish desire to see what is sure to be an incredibly lame show, All About Aubrey premieres tonight at 10/9c.

Breaking News: Heidi Montag is an Ugly Blow-Up Doll

But she won't be checking into Season 5 of Dr. Drew Pinsky's Celebrity Rehab.

Thanks to X17, rumors have been swirling that Clown-Boobs would be joining the other wannabe-celebs at Dr. Famewhore Drew's Camp for Useless Nobodies Craving Attention for Their Problems* to overcome her addiction to pain pills.

It's a good thing High-di has the BEST PUBLICIST EVER, Spencer Pratt!!  He advised her to squash these rumors stat, so that she could simultaneously throw in a shameless plug for a movie she made a 5-second cameo** in.  BRILLIANT!  Thus, Heidi made the following statement to PEOPLE: ^[1] "No, I'm not joining the cast, I'm actually on my way to see Just Go With It for the first time."  Good statement, Heidi, thanks for the info!

But make no mistake: Heidi Montag Pratt Montag Pratt is addicted to pain killers,*** she just doesn't really feel like quitting just yet.  Here is a list of other vices she's not quite ready to give up:
1.  Bicycle Tire Pumps.  Gotta keep those boobies fully inflated to basketball-size!
2.  Creepy flesh-colored beards**** 
3.  Pretending not to be completely useless
4.  Alerting the paparazzi of her every move, in the hopes that someone might put her picture in a magazine again.  (They won't.)
5.  Continuous surgeries to make sure her face and body get a little bit uglier every day.

Don't worry, Heidi, I'll post your picture in here.  I know you could really use the publicity right now.

I'm ready, Spence!

*Fun fact: This is the longest TV show title ever.

**I do not know, nor do I care, how long Heidi's cameo in Just Go With It actually lasted.

***I do not currently have any concrete evidence to prove that Heidi Montag/Pratt is addicted to pain killers or any of the other vices listed, but I think it's fairly obvious that these are facts.

****Shout-out to Joel McHale!


^[1] Garcia, Jennifer. "Heidi Montag: I'm Not Joining the Cast of Celebrity Rehab" PEOPLE 4 March 2011.