Aubrey O'Day: Now It's Just Getting Sad

Tonight marks the premiere of Aubrey O'Day's new show, All About Aubrey, on America's classiest network: Oxygen.

This show follows Aubrey and her fake boobies around, as she desperately tries to convince us that she's not just a useless piece of garbage that missed her true calling as a porn star.

Rough night, Aubrey?

Oxygen's website states that "at 26 years old and a little more worldly, it's time for O'Day to tackle the tough questions," and then proceeds to ask 3 extremely difficult questions.  You could watch the show to find out the answers... or you can take the less painful route, and skip all of that, because I have the answers right here!  You can thank me later. 

Question 1: Will she find Mr. Right?
Answer: Do filthy hookers even care about finding "Mr. Right"?

Question 2: Can she prove to the industry that she has the star power to get back on top?
Answer: She was never exactly "on top," so how could she return to a place she's never been?

Question 3: Can she put in the hard work to deal with the cameras, the gossip, and the backstabbing?
Answer: Does she really think that any amount of hard work will actually make a difference?

My deepest apologies, I know it's rude to answer a question with a question, but I just couldn't help myself.  

If you have some sort of freakish desire to see what is sure to be an incredibly lame show, All About Aubrey premieres tonight at 10/9c.

Justin Bieber: Birthday BJ's to be Given to Charity

Today is truly a great day.  A great day for the whole wide world!  It's March 1, and today is a birthday Double-Whammy.  I'd like to wish a great, big, happy b-day to Justin "Baby" Bieber, AND to Ke$ha "Baby Hooker" Sebert!!

Beastly

Ahh, I do soo love little Biebs, and I mean that, from the very bottom of my black heart.  He is 17 today, and I hope he stays in pop music forever and ever, even 'til he's a senile, cranky, perverted 84 year old man.  Little cutie.


If you happen to feel the urge to give JB a birthday BJ, or any other birthday gift, he would like you to direct those gifts, in the form of a monetary donation, to Charity: Water, which is working to get clean, safe drinking water to everyone on the planet.  How noble of you, Biebs.  I love you even more today than the day I first laid eyes on you.

Hopefully Selena isn't planning on giving Justin's birthday bone to charity

Ke$ha, on the other hand, turns 24 today, and has stated that she will gladly accept any, and every, Birthday BJ that anyone should be so kind to send her way.*

Dirtiest hooker on the planet

*Ke$ha has not made any such official statement, but I think we all know it's safe to assume this to be true.