American Idol: Top 2 (aka: Season 10 Finale)

What a hot load of garbage! I'm back from my week-long American Idol strike, and for what? This?!? What a waste, what a true waste.

Thankfully, last night's episode was only an hour long. If I had to sit through any more of that dull crap, I probably would've started carving my own wrists, just for some form of entertainment.

American Idol Season 10 Finale: Part 1

UPDATE: 

The results from Part 2 of the American Idol Season 10 Finale are in! 

SPOILER ALERT: Scotty McCreery won. See the update at the end of the post to see what's coming next for American Idol.

Just two country bumpkins

The most exciting part of last night's American Idol, was probably my frantic drive home at 6:59pm. I was super excited to see if Lauren was going to perform or not, after all the hype surrounding her "lost" voice. Girrrl, please. I bet she was sobbing backstage, as usual.

I wish Haley had taken Lauren's spot last night, maybe the performances wouldn't have been quite as coma inducing.

Round 1: Scotty & Lauren reprise their favorite songs

In this round, Scotty & Lauren performed their favorite song from their past performances this season. Pretty self-expanatory.

Scotty McCreery
Performed:"Gone" by Montgomery Gentry

Scotty started this performance with a really d-baggish strut through the audience, and onto the stage. Typical Scotty.

And did anyone else find it incredi-dumb, that Scotty swung the mic like a bat, at the end of this performance? What a lame-o.
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Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Flat On The Floor" by Carrie Underwood

Has she worn this exact same outfit before? Lauren always has the ugliest outfits, and then she repeats them! What nerve. This outfit wasn't that bad, but overall, Lauren needs some serious guidance when it comes to dressing herself.

As for her vocal performance, her voice sounded pretty strained, but overall it wasn't completely dreadful.
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Round 2: The Idols' Idols Song Picks

The songs performed in round 2 were chosen for the contestants by their very own "idols". How cute.

Scotty McCreery
Performed: "Check Yes Or No" by George Strait

Scotty McCreery named George Strait as his idol.

George Strait chose one of his own songs for Scotty to sing. Kind of an arrogant, self-serving choice, if you ask me. No wonder George Strait is Scotty's idol. Birds of a feather.

That said, I'm not gonna knock anyone too hard for a little self-promotion. Now subscribe to my blog, you little S.O.B.'s
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Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Maybe It Was Memphis" by Pam Tillis

Lauren Alaina named Carrie Underwood as her idol. Not a bad choice. Carrie's career serves as the perfect model for Lauren.

Carrie had a much less self-serving song in mind for Lauren than Scotty's idol, Georgey. Good girl, keep working on that public image!

Lauren wore a super sparkly, cupcake-like tutu of a dress. Interesting choice. If Lauren doesn't win American Idol, maybe she can enter some princess pageants. I hear those are all the rage down South. Freakin' hillbillies.
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Round 3: American Idol Winner's New Single

The songs sung in the final round of the first part of the Season 10 American Idol finale (whoa, that's a mouthful!) will be the winner's first single. How exciting, right? No, how very, very dull.

Scotty McCreery 

Performed: "I Love You This Big"

Scotty's final performance wins the award for MOST BORING PERFORMANCE EVER. Seriously, I almost fell asleep.

Way to put the crap icing on the crap cake, Scotty! Giving the most boring performance, in a night of boring performances, is actually a pretty big feat. Hats off to you, sir!
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Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Like My Mother Does"

Awww, a song to her mommy. How cuuuuuute.

Touching, really. Maybe it's because I have a heart of stone, or maybe it's just the fact that I don't enjoy my mother all that much, but I didn't find this performance all that enthralling. Good enough, but nothing to write home about.
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SO, WHO'S GOING TO WIN AMERICAN IDOL??

My bets are on Scotty McCreery. Lauren, although she is also dull, gave slightly better performances last night; but Scotty has schemed his way into the hearts and minds of every little girl in the country. He's even hypnotized some of our country's not-so-intelligent women. What a bunch of simple-minded floozies.

Whatever. See you tonight, after the results are revealed in Part 2 of the American Idol Season 10 Finale!  

UPDATE: 

As I stated in the first update, Scotty McCreery has won American Idol. 

I think earlier this season, I said something along the lines of: 
"If Scotty McCreery wins American Idol, I swear to god, I will burn down the American Idol studios". 
I'm not making any threats or anything, I'm just sayin'...