Kelsey Grammer: Father of the Year

Step aside, Michael Lohan, there's a new "World's Best Dad" in town, and his name is Kelsey Grammer.

Don't worry, Michael Lohan still holds the title for "World's Best Circus Act". You can steal Michael Lohan's "World's Best Dad" coffee mug, Kelsey Grammer, but you cannot steal his dignity!

Watch out, Kelsey, MiLo is ready to bring this s#!t to fisticuffs

What has Kelsey Grammer done to win the prestigious title of "World's Best Dad"?

Well, amidst the messy custody battle between Kelsey and his ex-wife, Camille Grammer, Kelsey decided that he only really cared about one of their children: the boy.

Earlier this week, Camille Grammer's people informed TMZ that Camille had filed for custody of her and Kelsey's two children, because Kelsey wanted to separate the kids, taking their son to come live with him, and leaving their daughter to live with crazy Camille in Los Angeles.

Kelsey's lawyer denied the accuracy of Camille's claim, saying:

"Their statement is inaccurate, as indicated by our papers filed with the court today.  Kelsey's priority is to protect both of his children and he will not make further comment, except that their statement is inaccurate."

However, TMZ has obtained the legal documents proving that Camille Grammer, although dangerously insane, was actually telling the truth.

They say a picture's worth a thousand words.

The document states, in no uncertain terms:

"Kelsey shall have primary physical custody of Jude and Camille shall have primary physical custody of Mason"

This may be confusing, because Jude and Mason are both boys' names (and because Kelsey's lawyers don't know how to use commas), but Mason is Kelsey and Camille's 9-year-old daughter.

Apparently, Kelsey Grammer only wanted sons, but since he got stuck with a daughter, he decided to give her a boys' name. Either that, or he was just bitter about having a girls' name, and decided to exact his revenge upon his poor, innocent daughter. 

Kelsey's custody proposal also outlines, in detail, which parent will have the children on specific holidays. It also gives excessively complicated details about how custody would work over the kids' Winter Break, had Camille agreed to this ridiculous proposal.

Click here if you want to read all of the legal mumbo-jumbo for yourself. The document is actually only 3 pages long, which is hella short, as far as legal docs go.

Now, don't get me wrong, Camille Grammer is a terrible mother. I mean, seriously, who needs 4 nannies to take care of 2 children? But separating your kids, and essentially telling your daughter that you don't care about her? Shame on you, Kelsey Grammer.

Another very telling photograph

Fun Fact: Kelsey Grammer's publicist is Stan Rosenfield. Remember when Stan was Charlie Sheen's publicist? Apparently, he enjoys representing dirtbags.

Lindsay Lohan Is...DEAD?!?

Yes, sadly, Lindsay Lohan is no longer with us.

R.I.P. Lindsay Lohan

Ok, maybe I'm being a tad bit over-dramatic.

While it's true that Lindsay Lohan is gone forever, she hasn't died... she's just changing her name.

Earlier today, Lindsay's mother, Dina, exclusively confirmed to PopEater, that "Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay.  Plus, me and Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."

So now, Lindsay Lohan will be known simply as "Lindsay".  Who needs last names, anyways?

Lindsay's name change is almost certainly an effort to disassociate herself from the walking, talking embarrassment, that is Michael Lohan; especially given his latest antics.  I mean, really, who in their right mind would want to be associated with that hot mess?  Apparently, even people not in their right mind don't want anything to do with him.

I can't wait to hear how Michael Lohan feels about all of this name-changing.  He's probably on the phone with TMZ at this very moment.

In other Former-Lohan news: Lindsay has rejected the plea deal offered by prosecutors in the grand theft necklace case.  OMG!!  So now, we wait, while a judge determines if the prosecution has enough evidence to bring this case to trial.  I can't wait to for this to play out!



Video Game Pitch: Grand Theft Wine-o.  Imagine: your character stumbles around LA, tossing drinks on fellow sluts, stealing crap, passing out in cars, and just being trashy in general, all the while, dressed fabulously.

Now that's exciting video game material!

Michael Lohan: Man of the Year

The Man With the Heart of Gold:

"I love helping the little brown children!" *

The world's best dad, Michael Lohan, has been up to some new shenanigans.  This time, however, the shenans don't (directly) involve being an attention-seeking media-hooer.   Nope, just a little light wife-beating.  No big deal.

Mr. Lohan was arrested Monday (3/21), for "allegedly" hitting his ex-girlfriend, Kate Major.  That's a MAJOR problem!  Hardy har har.  But seriously, domestic violence is no joke.  If you, or someone you know is being beaten upon, please seek help.   Help may be sought on Google.

Upon his arrest, Mikey was initially written up for three different felonies; but now it seems that he's only getting a light tap on the wrist, being formally charged with one count of misdemeanor domestic violence.

True to form, Michael Lohan denies he did anything wrong.  He phoned his bosom buddies at TMZ, and informed them that he did NOT attack Kate, it was she who attacked him.  He also wants everyone to know that he has already returned to the West Hollywood Sheriff's office to file a police report against her...for filing a false police report.  So much paperwork!!  But who knows, maybe Mike is telling the truth this time; he and Kate seem equally crazy.

Ladies & Gents: Kate Major!  Let this picture serve as a reminder that this trash bag was the same chick who worked for Star Magazine, did a story on Jon Gosselin, and then decided to quit her job... to date Jon.

There was also something about a claim, made by Kate, that Michael Lohan cut himself with a "sharp object," in order to frame her.  Then, Michael shot back with a quick "NUH UH!!" and claimed that, not only was Kate the one doing the hitting, but she also STOLE clothes from his apartment, which he had bought for Lindsay!  Gasp!  What a bunch of white trash.  You're both crazy!  There, now it's settled.

On another note, it looks as though MiLo might have a slight advantage when his court date arrives, because he's already met the judge!  Michael's court date is scheduled at the very same Beverly Hills Courthouse frequented by his daughter, Lindsay, and with the very same judge!  (Not sure which judge quite yet, but Lindsay's seen 'em both, so the bases are covered.)



*Michael Lohan might not have said these words, per se, but we all know he was thinking it!

Michael Lohan is the World's Best Dad!

Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael Lohan, is a true class act!  We all know how he loves to make a public mockery of his daughter, pretending all the while that he's acting in her best interest.  And now that he has signed on for the 5th season of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab, he thinks it's time to step up his daddy game one more notch!

Mr. Lohan likes to show off his nips while he chats with TMZ

Last night, Mikey Lohan told reporters that he hopes to bring the Rehab cameras with him to Lindsay's March 10 court date, to show what a great, supportive father he is.  Wowie Zowie - exploiting your daughter's court date for your own publicity?  That sure is supportive parenting!  I wish Mr. Lohan were my dad!

With that kind of father, it's no wonder Lindsay is so messed up.  My only question is: Is Michael a conniving bastard, purposely trying to milk his daughter for every penny he can?  Or is he just a delusional idiot?  I'm guessing it's probably a little bit of both. 

On another note: I can't wait for March 10!