(Another) Lohan Twitter War

America's first family: the Lohans, had a fun little twitter war today.

This "war" between Michael Lohan & Dina Lohan was really more of a series of ranting tweets from Michael Lohan, but Dina Lohan started it. (Nuh uh!)

Dina Lohan's tweet heard round the...world:

Them's fightin' werdz!

Then, MiLo hit the ground running, with another one of his always-entertaining Twitter rants:

Zing.

Ivan...hoe?
"DINiAl": Nice thought. Poor execution.

I give Michael a D- for poor grammar & readability, but an 'A' for effort.


Dina gets an 'A' for alcoholism.^*


(Michael Lohan deleted all of these tweets about 30 minutes later)





^*Disclaimer: I'm not saying that Dina Lohan is an alcoholic... I'm merely pointing out the fact that alcoholism begins with the letter 'A'.

Lindsay Lohan is a Free Woman!

After 35 days of house arrest, Lindsay Lohan is finally free to roam the earth! The best part is, she no longer has to worry about that hideous ankle bracelet making her pants look all bunchy 'n stuff.

When do you wanna hit up Chateau Marmont??

I bet LiLo feels amazing, especially after being "cooped up" with her view of the ocean, relaxing on the roof, having a house arrest roof party with her friends, and shooting commercials.

Lindsay let TMZ into her garage this morning, so she could give them the exclusive scoop on her first moments outside her home in more than a month (please ignore the court dates, rooftop photos, commercials, etc. Those don't count.)

Anyway, inside her garage, Lindsay told the TMZ cameras that she's "excited to start community service and focus on [her] work."

Who gets excited for community service? I wouldn't. But I hate doing things for others, so maybe that's my problem. Ahh, if only I could be as benevolent as Lindsay.

Child, please

So, do you think Lindsay can make like Britney Spears, and have a total comeback?

I certainly hope so! But first, I hope she shaves her head and attacks a car with an umbrella.

Lindsay Lohan Is...DEAD?!?

Yes, sadly, Lindsay Lohan is no longer with us.

R.I.P. Lindsay Lohan

Ok, maybe I'm being a tad bit over-dramatic.

While it's true that Lindsay Lohan is gone forever, she hasn't died... she's just changing her name.

Earlier today, Lindsay's mother, Dina, exclusively confirmed to PopEater, that "Lindsay is dropping the Lohan and just going by Lindsay.  Plus, me and Ali will be officially changing our last names back to my maiden name, Sullivan."

So now, Lindsay Lohan will be known simply as "Lindsay".  Who needs last names, anyways?

Lindsay's name change is almost certainly an effort to disassociate herself from the walking, talking embarrassment, that is Michael Lohan; especially given his latest antics.  I mean, really, who in their right mind would want to be associated with that hot mess?  Apparently, even people not in their right mind don't want anything to do with him.

I can't wait to hear how Michael Lohan feels about all of this name-changing.  He's probably on the phone with TMZ at this very moment.

In other Former-Lohan news: Lindsay has rejected the plea deal offered by prosecutors in the grand theft necklace case.  OMG!!  So now, we wait, while a judge determines if the prosecution has enough evidence to bring this case to trial.  I can't wait to for this to play out!



Video Game Pitch: Grand Theft Wine-o.  Imagine: your character stumbles around LA, tossing drinks on fellow sluts, stealing crap, passing out in cars, and just being trashy in general, all the while, dressed fabulously.

Now that's exciting video game material!

Michael Lohan: Man of the Year

The Man With the Heart of Gold:

"I love helping the little brown children!" *

The world's best dad, Michael Lohan, has been up to some new shenanigans.  This time, however, the shenans don't (directly) involve being an attention-seeking media-hooer.   Nope, just a little light wife-beating.  No big deal.

Mr. Lohan was arrested Monday (3/21), for "allegedly" hitting his ex-girlfriend, Kate Major.  That's a MAJOR problem!  Hardy har har.  But seriously, domestic violence is no joke.  If you, or someone you know is being beaten upon, please seek help.   Help may be sought on Google.

Upon his arrest, Mikey was initially written up for three different felonies; but now it seems that he's only getting a light tap on the wrist, being formally charged with one count of misdemeanor domestic violence.

True to form, Michael Lohan denies he did anything wrong.  He phoned his bosom buddies at TMZ, and informed them that he did NOT attack Kate, it was she who attacked him.  He also wants everyone to know that he has already returned to the West Hollywood Sheriff's office to file a police report against her...for filing a false police report.  So much paperwork!!  But who knows, maybe Mike is telling the truth this time; he and Kate seem equally crazy.

Ladies & Gents: Kate Major!  Let this picture serve as a reminder that this trash bag was the same chick who worked for Star Magazine, did a story on Jon Gosselin, and then decided to quit her job... to date Jon.

There was also something about a claim, made by Kate, that Michael Lohan cut himself with a "sharp object," in order to frame her.  Then, Michael shot back with a quick "NUH UH!!" and claimed that, not only was Kate the one doing the hitting, but she also STOLE clothes from his apartment, which he had bought for Lindsay!  Gasp!  What a bunch of white trash.  You're both crazy!  There, now it's settled.

On another note, it looks as though MiLo might have a slight advantage when his court date arrives, because he's already met the judge!  Michael's court date is scheduled at the very same Beverly Hills Courthouse frequented by his daughter, Lindsay, and with the very same judge!  (Not sure which judge quite yet, but Lindsay's seen 'em both, so the bases are covered.)



*Michael Lohan might not have said these words, per se, but we all know he was thinking it!

Another Tight Dress, Another Court Date

As expected, Lindsay Lohan was granted a continuance at her court appearance this morning, which means that we don't get to find out how much jail time she will receive until March 25.  Ho hum, pig's bum.  Why must my patience be tested so?!

Even though the court date is set for March 25, Lindsay only has until March 23 to decide whether or not she will accept a deal, and submit a plea of guilty or no contest.  If she accepts the plea deal, she will receive her sentencing on March 25.  If she does not accept the deal, the case will be tried on April 22 at 9am PT, and a new Judge will decide her fate.   If it gets to that point, her preliminary hearing will be heard concurrently with her probation violation case.  In other words, the new judge will decide if there is enough evidence to go to trial with the necklace case, AND decide if Lindsay is in violation of her probation from her DUI case.

Either way, Lindsay will almost assuredly face jail time, due to the conditions of her probation.  Currently, the plea offer on the table includes SIX MONTHS IN JAIL!  Wowza.  Lindsay's lawyer may be able to negotiate it down, but we'll just have to wait and see!

Legal stuff is HARD!  So now on to the important stuff: 
WHAT WAS LINDSAY WEARING?
LiLo wore another form-fitting, long sleeve dress; this time, in beige leather.  I think she looks pretty good!  Personally, I'm a fan of Lindsay's style.  She just needs to lay off the crack pipe.  I give this dress 2 days tops before it sells out.  I'd buy it.  

Twinsies with the police officer!

Michael Lohan is the World's Best Dad!

Lindsay Lohan's father, Michael Lohan, is a true class act!  We all know how he loves to make a public mockery of his daughter, pretending all the while that he's acting in her best interest.  And now that he has signed on for the 5th season of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab, he thinks it's time to step up his daddy game one more notch!

Mr. Lohan likes to show off his nips while he chats with TMZ

Last night, Mikey Lohan told reporters that he hopes to bring the Rehab cameras with him to Lindsay's March 10 court date, to show what a great, supportive father he is.  Wowie Zowie - exploiting your daughter's court date for your own publicity?  That sure is supportive parenting!  I wish Mr. Lohan were my dad!

With that kind of father, it's no wonder Lindsay is so messed up.  My only question is: Is Michael a conniving bastard, purposely trying to milk his daughter for every penny he can?  Or is he just a delusional idiot?  I'm guessing it's probably a little bit of both. 

On another note: I can't wait for March 10!