Uncle Charlie Harper Dies a Tragic Death – Memorial Service Set For September 19, 2011

There is sad news for Charlie Harper – Charlie Sheen’s character on the CBS sitcom “Two and a Half Men”.

As we reported last week, CBS and executive producer Chuck Lorre have been hard at work, and moving full steam ahead with the new show format for the upcoming season of “Two and a Half Men”.

And now we have more detail about the new seasons plot now that Sheen is out and Ashton Kutcher is in.

Related: Ashton Kutcher is in charge now - Photos

It appears that on opening night of the new season Uncle Charlie will already be dead – the victim of booze, wild women, and possibly a tragic plane crash.

The show will open with Angus T. Jones who plays Jake, Jon Cryer, and others attending a memorial service at the now infamous beach house in Malibu.

Attending will be all of Charlie’s girlfriends from seasons past as well as a few other notable characters from the shows high points.

We hear that the Malibu beach house will go up for sale during the first show and there will be a host of real life famous people stopping by to look at the property.

Naturally you can imagine who the realtor will be – Mrs. Evelyn Harper played by Holland Taylor of course.

We can also confirm that Kutcher’s new character will be named Raymond and will play an internet billionaire with a broken heart.

We also know that somehow Allan, Jake, and Berta all get to stay in the house after the sale. Not sure how that will be written in but we’re sure Chuck knows what he’s doing.

We also hear that the character of Rose played by Melanie Lynskey will have a role, as will Judith Harper and Dr. Herb Melnick played by Marin Hinkle and Ryan Stiles.

So get ready to see Chelsea, Mia, Mandi, and maybe even Ms. Delores Pasternak stop by to pay their final goodbyes to the lowlife Charlie Harper.

We even suspect with all this family tragedy they are going to need a really good shrink and expect to see Jane Lynch return in full form as Dr. Linda Freeman.

Can’t wait….

But it’s going to be a busy fourth quarter for Ashton Kutcher as he is starring in the romantic comedy “New Year’s Eve” that is scheduled to be released December 9th.

“New Year’s Eve” has almost every A-list Hollywood celebrity in it including Michelle Pfeiffer, Halle Berry, and Robert De Niro, and will follow the lives of several couples and singles in New York as they intertwine over the course of New Year's Eve.

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Ashton Kutcher Teases with New “Two and a Half Men” Theme Song Clip

Some say that after Charlie Sheen there can be no more “Two and a Half Men”.

But the transition has already started....

CBS has already taken down the old logo poster on the outside of the studio and replaced it with a temporary poster without Sheen’s picture.

News has leaked about a possible plot transition being worked on by executive producer Chuck Lorre.

Related: Sheen photo gone, and new 2.5 plot update

And now, new face in the game Ashton Kutcher has taken to twitter to tease us with a taste of the new theme song for the show.

Kutcher said via twitter,

“2.5 rehearsal on #SoundCloud”

Kutcher uploaded a small audio clip to his Sound Cloud account with the now infamous “Men” theme song opening line.



It’s not much, but it’s another step closer to the new season and another step farther away from Charlie Sheen.

We can’t wait to see the final product and the first show of the new season. Bring it!

See Also:
>More stories about Ashton Kutcher
>More stories about Charlie Sheen

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Stephen Colbert Pulls to the Front of the Pack in Sailing Regatta – Go Captain Colbert!

Friday Update: As of the 7:00 a.m. update today, Tucana held a 40-mile margin over their rivals on board the other OnDeck Farr 65, Stephen Colbert and his crew on the Spirit of Juno. Tucana seems to be a solid bet to win first-to-finish honors as well as first place in the Racing Division.

Wednesday Update:
With steady southwest winds across this region of the North Atlantic, the competitors in this eighth edition of the Charleston Bermuda Race have been making remarkable progress throughout the afternoon hours yesterday.

As of the 8:00 p.m. position update yesterday evening, the lead boat, Tucana, was 288 miles from Bermuda. Tucana’s closest rivals were Spirit of Juno (with Stephen Colbert on board) and Yanosha. According to the Race Director it’s likely that the first finishers will arrive in Bermuda on Thursday.


Tuesday Update:

As the 11-boat fleet continues to make impressive progress toward Bermuda, two entries have pulled ahead during the wee hours of Sunday night and Monday morning.

Tucana, one of five boats in the race, has led the way since the fleet left Charleston Harbor. As of midnight last night, the boat was sailing in a northeasterly direction at over 10 knots.

But by daybreak, Captain Stephen Colbert and “The Spirit of Juno” crew had come within five miles of the lead vessel.

Go Stephen!

Despite his second-place standing, Colbert, who has vowed to win this race, seemed characteristically jolly based on an e-mail he sent late Sunday night.

Colbert said in his email,

“Dear land-based life forms. Fantastic day. We started with windless bobbing from 4:00 a.m. until 8:00 a.m. We punctuated this inertia by catching, on a hand line, two mahi-mahi, a very beautiful fish-fish! They both were laid to rest in a small Tupperware coffin surrounded by lime juice and chopped onions.

Spent the afternoon dodging wind holes and watching dolphins play in our bow wake. We’ve also been introducing our English crew to the joys of grits. They are dubious, but too polite to admit they tossed it overboard.

We are on four hour watches and lucky to get three hours’ sleep at a time. Those of you familiar with totalitarian regimes will remember that sleep deprivation is one way that dictators break their enemies.

We are in good position thanks to our skipper, Tim Scarisbrick, first mate Bertie Whitley and second mate Chris Miller.

We all smell wonderful.  See you in Bermuda!”

Colbert and his crew have vowed to win the race this year, after a dismal attempt in 2005 where his boat came in last place.

Related: Stephen Colbert admits he pooped in the ocean.

Keep your dial tuned to InfoStar for the latest news and progress of our mighty captain and the U.S.S. Spirit of Juno.

God speed Captain Colbert.

Oh yea, there is a shit-pile of news waiting for you to make funny once you get back to New York.

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Bret Michaels In ICU With Subarachnoid Brain Hemorrhage

"Celebrity Apprentice" bad boy and rock band "Poison" lead singer Bret Michaels was admitted to the hospital, and later the intensive care unit, on Thursday night.

Michaels had been complaining of an excruciating headache and after scans, tests, and an angiogram was told he had suffered from a subarachnoid brain hemorrhage.

This condition is caused from bleeding near the base of the brain stem.

Bret is currently in critical condition.

Michaels, 47, had just undergone an emergency appendectomy in early April and was reported to be recovering nicely.

Michaels is also diabetic.

Friday Update: Bret Michaels is awake, in good spirits and talking to doctors…
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