American Idol: Top 4

This is it, ya'll: American Idol is down to the Top 4. These kids have really made it. Only contestants who made it to the Top 4 have really gone on to become anything of even mild importance.

Last night's performance episode of American Idol had no real theme, it was more of a mish-mash of two themes. So I will call it "Mish-Mash Night"

American Idol Top 4 Recap: Mish-Mash Night

Click on the picture to zoom, then take a good look at Lauren's eyes. WTF! Was she crying AGAIN?

I have realized that I have been much too nice lately. I just get so wrapped up in the lives of these little s#!ts, that I forget to be true to myself! So I tried to put my meanest foot forward for this week's American Idol recap. I'm sure I failed miserably.

So who's going home tonight on American Idol? Read the full review, like good little children, then at the end of that rainbow, lies my prediction.

But no matter what, all of these kids are going home this week, some as "hometown heroes," one as a sad, sad loser.

UPDATE: The results are in, and they are TERRIBLE. The worst. Full update at the end of the post.

Round 1: Songs that Inspire the Contestants

James Durbin
Performed:“Don’t Stop Believin’” by Journey

Oh, Jamesy, this was not your best.  It was all kinds of pitchy, and I kept reminiscing on your past amazing performances, hoping this one would get better. It didn't.

The judges said they loved it... so why did we see J.Lo cringing when he get to those last notes? James should still win this thing, this just was not as good as the judges/producers obviously want us to believe.

I still love you, James! Just don't do this again.

Click here for video


Haley Reinhart
Performed: “Earth Song” by Michael Jackson

I honestly thought this performance was wonderful. So why did the judges rip her apart? Actually, J.Lo offered constructive criticism, and RANDY tore her a new one.

Why you gotta be like dat, Raaaaaaaandy?
Then Steven Tyler, being the kind soul that he is, cut Randy off, & gave Haley the praise she deserved. So what if the song choice may not have been the most popular, well-known song? She sang it well, & Randy just acted like a jackhole.

Click here for video



Scotty McCreery
Performed: "Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)" by Alan Jackson

Scotty really knows how to pander to an audience, I will give him that. And he does have a good voice. But really? What a dbag. I'M CALLIN' YOU OUT, SON!

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Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Anyway" by Martina McBride

Are you serious right now, with that outfit? Oh hell to da no!

What a hideous, hideous dress. There was burgundy satin, a high-to-low hem, leopard print peeking out underneath, AND jewels! WOW. Wow, in the worst possible way.

With all of that gawdy detail, Lauren has got the whole country fooled - she is NOT from the South, she is a straight up Jersey girl, through and through. I was so distracted by the dress, I have no idea how her singing was. Does it even really matter, though?
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  Round 2: Hit Songs by Leiber & Stoller

This second round of songs were all practiced under the tutelage of Queen GagMe, otherwise known as Lady GaGa. Surprisingly, she gave everyone really good advice. Not surprisingly, she scared us all with her face, and her penis heels.

Lady Gaga with the American Idol kids. How cute.

GagMe showing off those lovely penis heels

These handy dandy heels double as dildos. NIFTY!

Haley Reinhart
Performed: "I Who Have Nothing" by Ben E. King

SO GOOD! So good. Oh, she really gave the judges what for.

I'm actually surprised that Lady GaGa gave Haley good advice. Watching her be so nurturing almost warms the heart... but then you remember that face. GOOD GOD. She never ceases to NOT surprise me with her ugly.

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Scotty McCreery
Performed: “Young Blood" by The Coasters

Queen GagMe gave more good advice to this little idiot, telling him not to hold the microphone like a dbag. She might not have used those exact words, but the point got across, that's all that matters.

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Lauren Alaina
Performed: "Trouble" by Elvis Presley

This outfit was infinitely better than her first.

Even more surprising, was the fact that Lauren actually MOVED during this performance. Wow. She's alive? Who knew!

But who the F is afraid to say the word, "evil"? This girl gets soo annoying with her goody two-shoes ways. Just stop. Stop it right now.

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James Durbin
Performed: "Love Potion #9" by The Searchers

KILLED IT. This is the James we all know and love. Just great. And the ending? Killed me.

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SO, WHO'S GOING HOME TONIGHT ON AMERICAN IDOL??

I think it will be Haley Reinhart leaving us tonight.

Although, in my not-so-humble opinion, she isn't the one who deserves to leave. I would much rather see Scotty off. Or Lauren. Lauren is a far inferior performer, but the voters seem to generally love her. She's a good enough singer, but she needs to stop being such a big 'fraidy cat. Haley seems so much more mature for her age. It'll be a shame to see her go.

There is always the chance that Haley will stay though, who knows! Ahhh, the suspense is killing me!

See you kids after the show for an update! 

UPDATE TIME:

Oh. My. God. This was the worst American Idol elimination night EVER.

James Durbin was sent home. HOW COULD THIS BE? We might as well quit watching this show now, 'cause the contestants left are BORING, especially compared to James.

Tie me up and lock me away for lunacy, but I cried my eyes out for a good 15 minutes, when Ryan announced that James would be the one leaving. This is all just so ridiculous.